Sometimes you just come across news that makes you collapse your head into your hands and wonder if people in Florida are intentionally trying to make you write headlines you never thought you’d ever see. This is one of those times. On July 14th, a man by the name of William Hodge was arrested on a number of charges pertaining to burglary and cruelty to animals. Why? Because as the absurd headline says, he stole an alligator from a mini-golf course and proceeded to throw it on a roof.
If you’re like me, you probably have two questions that you’re trying to ponder right now. One of them is, “Why did the man fight the alligator?” The other- “Why does a mini-golf course have a live alligator?” To tackle the former first, we actually have an answer.
According to sources, Hodge stated he was “teaching it a lesson.” I have no idea what kind of lesson you can teach a gator by throwing it onto the roof of a building, twice, and failing- but that’s what he was doing. He was more violent than that as well, so if you’re sensitive to this information you may want to jump to the next paragraph. He also was seen slamming the alligator onto the ground by its tail and stomping on it.
There are no reports that the alligator experienced any serious injury. The manager of the Congo River Golf course, where the alligator was stolen from, came to pick up the gator as Hodge was taken to jail. It also appears, thanks to some other reports, that the Congo River Golf Course is actually a chain with several locations in Florida. Feeding alligators is one of the features of the locations in addition to golf. Surely there’s a “Happy Gilmore” reference that could be made here. But hey, at least that answers the second question about why a mini-golf course has live alligators! Who doesn’t associate putting through a windmill with feeding dangerous reptiles?
But the exploits of William Hodge do not end there! After being arrested, News 6 in Orlando reported that Hodge stuffed toilet paper into the toilet of a holding cell and floor drain, and threatened to flood the building. While we don’t have an official follow-up report on this, we have a feeling he didn’t succeed in doing so.
Here’s hoping that if Florida Man- we mean Hodge- and the alligator fight again, Round 2 goes to the gator.