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The Nerd Side Of Life

10 Ear-Wormiest Commercial Jingles For 90s Kids

Oh commercial jingles. One could easily consider them to be a lost artform or one could consider them to be a blight on humanity. There was a time where if you wanted people to remember what you were selling and buy it, you’d commission a catchy jingle for it. There are some that go back decades, like wanting to buy the world a Coke, or wanting to be a Toys ‘R Us kid, but music is a subjective thing.

As catchy as those are, we wanted to look at some of the things we grew up with in the 90s that have permanently ingrained themselves in our psyches.

1 Number 10: Socker Boppers

If you remember them as “Sock’em Boppers” don’t worry, this isn’t a mandela effect thing. Formerly “Sock’em Boppers” the name had to be changed after a trademark dispute with Rock’em Sock’Em robots. Either way, the jingle wasn’t changed and can bore into your head harder and faster than these oversized boxing gloves can. More fun than a pillow fight, indeed!

2 Number 9: Bagel Bites

“When pizza’s on a bagel you can eat pizza anytime!” Well, yes, you can. But you also don’t actually need for pizza to be on a bagel to do that. This bagel bites jingle was a television staple in the mid 90s and it must’ve worked since these things are still in the frozen food section across supermarkets nationwide. Though as we’ve gotten older our cardiologists have informed us that we probably should not be eating “Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at super time.” But who are you going to trust, a commercial jingle or a doctor?

3 Number 8: Clorox and Clorox 2

Well, if you wanted a sexist jingle, here you go. “Mama’s got the magic of Clorox 2” not so subtly implies that cleaning clothes is a woman’s job; and they were using this jingle clear into the late ‘90s and early 2000’s. The magic of Clorox is not limited to women, nor is it actually magic. It doesn’t stop the jingle from working its way into your memory but still, the laundry is everyone’s responsibility, not just for child bearing women. Good lord, Clorox.

4 Number 7: Skip It

“Skippin’ and a screamin; and a bop ya bop!” Let’s throw some scat singing in there for the young ‘uns to really sell this product! Oh Skip It, where would we be without your jingle. For all the times we’ve seen this commercial, we don’t recall seeing nearly as many of the toy in person. This toy version of a ball and chain lacked the locking mechanism to bind it to children’s ankles, but that’s fine since the jingle has left us as a prisoner in our own minds for years.

5 Number 6: Connect Four

However much you think you like the board game Connect Four, you don’t like it nearly as much as the people who wrote and sang this jingle. “Go for the glory, go for the score! Go for it! Connect Four!” With no offense meant to the people who take their Connect Four seriously, we’re not sure how much “glory” is on the line per game. Still, there is something commanding and encouraging about this high energy theme where, you know what, we are going to Connect Four damn it!

6 Number 5: Chilis

Somebody better cut Tommy James a royalty check if they haven’t already because this baby back ribs jingle is a pretty blatant rip-off. That chanted line of “I want my baby back baby back baby back…” is basically just a recreation of the bassline of the hit, 1971
single, “Draggin’ the Line.” Even the baritone “barbeque sauce” line mirrors the singing of the lyric “draggin’ the line” in the call and response that happens during the chorus. It’s no wonder that the Chilis jingle is such an earworm when it copies one of the most
ferociously catchy basslines of all time.

7 Number 4: Kit Kat

Everyone needs a break sometimes, but for years on end we did not get one from Kit Kat. Well, we did get a break in the sense of the candy bar literally being breakable, but the jingle was relentless. “Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar.” It resounded in the collective consciousness for years before the company scaled back on it. It was too late though for humanity to push it away and the idea of breaking off a piece of that Kit Kat bar has remained in place ever since. And thus we were doomed.

8 Number 3: J.G. Wentworth

We’re not financial advisors, so we can’t tell you what to do if you have an annuity but you need cash now. We do however, know of a commercial that will tell you what do to. And while it does tell you to call 877-CASH-NOW it doesn’t tell you that the company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 2017. Apparently they’ve rebuilt since then and are still around. But that leads to the question of who does JG Wentworth call when he needs cash now? Does he just call that opera singer?

9 Number 2: Crossfire

“CROSSFIRE!!! YOU’LL GET CAUGHT UP IN THE, CROSSFIRE!!!” None of the jingles in this list match the sheer intensity of this song. It’s like they brought Sammy Hagar in here to belt this one out. It is so over the top that it’s impossible to forget. In fairness, the game itself can be pretty intense in terms of constant firing and reloading of tiny marbles. But as far as we remember, uh, it wasn’t played to the apparent death in the midst of a fiery Hell scape like the commercial suggests. Our thoughts go out to the poor kid whose soul was condemned to eternal damnation at the end of the ad.

10 Number 1: Mentos

First thing first, there exists a full, three minute version of this song that exudes the sound of the 1980s in nearly every aspect of its composition. It was apparently created by a Germany company that specializes in writing music for businesses. This full version has a snarling guitar solo and one hell of a vocal hook. It’s a damn shame we weren’t treated to this for every Mentos commercial ever, but if that were the case it probably wouldn’t feel so “fresh.” And after all, this is the “fresh maker.” But the condensed version is also a complete earworm and remains so to this day.

[Editor’s Note: We HAVE to include the classic Goldfish jingle.]

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