Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Hazelnut M&M’s a Terrible Disappointment

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Man is least himself in his own person, give him a mask and he will tell you the world.

Awhile ago, I wrote about the new flavor of M&M’s; hazelnut. The branding director said (and I quote) “Chocolatey hazelnut spread unlocks a side of indulgence that’s all its own, so we wanted to tap into that mania and bring something to life that our fans would go crazy for.”

Now when you think of hazelnut, you think, Nutella, Toffifay, Ferrero Rochere’s. Something that purely brings you the bliss and all those good feelings.

Now we have this asshole.

I bought a bag the second I went into work. It was there, sitting as if waiting for me on a cart (soon to be worked out) and boy was I excited. Without a moment’s notice I grabbed a bag and went to taste the sweet decadence that was sworn to be had.

BAG. OF. LIES.

First few I tasted nothing. And I mean nothing. Then I went in again, okay I got the chocolate. But where was the hazelnut taste? You know what you get? A terrible aftertaste that coats your tongue with a greasy feel and a lifetime of regret.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have been bamboozled. Try it if you want, they are available at Walgreens right now. But I will let you know, I returned that bag of lies. And if you listen closely you can hear my heart shattering.

Rating: 0 out of 5

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