One of the most common questions I get, especially on the dating websites is “Why are you single?”. Although its probably one of the most annoying questions I get asked, it’s a good question. Thoughts begin to whirl through my brain and I wonder…

Why am I single?

   I am attractive(not to be egotistical in any sense), nerdy, intelligent, sarcastic af, though I’m not skinny, I’m curvy(isn’t that what guys like?), etc. Doesn’t that make me date-able?

   Just to give you a little of my backstory: I am 28 going on to 29. I have been single for about 5 years now, but that is you count my “fun buddy”(no commitment), I was with for 4 years. In a sense I have been single for 10+ years. It’s not as though I haven’t tried. I am on multiple dating sites, I have gone on many dates and yet…here i am.

   A few years ago I was introduced to the cosplay world and suddenly my world change. I found something that makes me happy and found people that make me almost whole. I have still get to find anyone though. Problem is I’m super shy. Unless, of course, alcohol is involved, but then I don’t remember a thing.

   Through out the years I have gone on series of dates, I have met some amazing people and some not so amazing people. It’s all part of the dating game. I used to go out on lots of dates, but now it’s more of a rare thing. I honestly can’t remember the last time I went on one. I have an on and off relationship with dating websites. Most guys are looking to get laid, want to meet within the first 3 messages between us, or never want to make that effort to meet. Slowly, hope glimmers away and I stop trying, then I get bored and lonely and try again. It’s an endless cycle and I never win. I watch various guys I have dated over the years, get in a relationship, get married and have children.

What’s wrong with me?

   I feel like a lot of us wonder that at one point of our single life and some of us go through the “I’m going to be single forever” stage. Multiple friends of mine, complained about it and now a lot of them they all found their mate… While here I am.

   I have friends who tell me to try to meet guys on gaming, I don’t even understand that concept. How can I connect with someone like that over a video game? Yet, people do it all the time. Others tell me to talk to guys at a event or con…Ha! I can’t just talk to people. People are scary, dont you know that?! My anxiety gets the best of me. Online is pretty much my only means of meeting someone in way, but that’s like waiting for a blue moon. My blue moon will come, I think.

Am I happy?

   Yes and no, I have found myself. I am blessed with an assortment of amazing friends in my life.  I know who I am and what I want with life, but I would love to meet that “person” for me. I need to find those things I need. Everyone has those things, some settle without them and some find them and others make a comprise. I don’t settle. Its not me. I’ve realized it’s okay to be single, and I don’t need to rush. It’s okay to be “picky” and wait for that person who will light up the room for me.  I’ll find my perfect nerd.

   It’s okay because I don’t really feel alone. In a way I have everybody in the world I need. My friends surround me with so much love and so much more. When I am having a bad day, I always have someone to call. I fill the days at home with video games and art. Video games mostly consist of Overwatch and I have my many friends on Xbox to game with and talk to. When I find myself at conventions or events, I might find myself going alone but I have so many friends when I arrive. At these events, I’m never truly alone and I have an amazing time.

In the end, I can wait. Life will be okay. Even when I feel like I am alone, my real life and online friends are there to remind me, I’m not.

   What do you need to make that special someone? What is something you can’t compromise and things you can? What are those special chemicals that create that connection with you and another human to create romance and love? All questions that only you can answer.