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    Home»Nerd Culture»Top #1 Countdown of Best Spooky Halloween Stuff
    Nerd Culture

    Top #1 Countdown of Best Spooky Halloween Stuff

    Loryn StoneBy Loryn StoneSeptember 18, 201810 Mins Read
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    Halloween is on its way!!!

    I’ll get right to the point– Next month, you’re going to be bombarded by infinity billion “Top X Scariest Halloween Nightmares That’ll Blah-Blah-Blah Your Nuts Off”.

    And that’s awesome. If, of course, you want to read 9 crappy things until you get to the #1, disagree with it, and want your time back.

    That’s why we’re going to have fun right now. I’m going to spare you 9 sucks and 1 win. We’re cutting out all the suck and talking about my Top #1 Countdown of Best Spooky Halloween Stuff!

     

    #1 Scariest Are You Afraid of the Dark Episode

    pinball016067

    That goes to “The Tale of the Pinball Wizard”, followed by “The Tale of the Super Specs”. Both of these are the scariest Are You Afraid of the Dark episodes for one reason– the ending is not happy. In the Pinball Wizard episode, the protagonist of the day disobeys his boss’ rules and plays a pinball game in the back of the store he works at. Before he knows it, the store (located in the mall) is closed, and he has a video game fantasy adventure inside the mall, complete with saving a beautiful princess and crowning her at the end. And we all know that back in the day, the idea of being stuck inside a mall overnight was terrifying. Just me? Great.

    2435837_l5
    pinball028795

    b835461ff329a80b31981c2a85cfd078

    s1e13.jpg

    At the end of the episode, the kid thinks he beat the game. But turns out, he’s stuck inside it on an endless loop, with a huge silver pinball about to barrel down an escalator at him. FLIPPIN’ SCARY, YO!

     

    best-are-you-afraid-of-the-dark-stories-the-tale-of-the-super-specs
    2-ayaotd

    And as for the Super Specs episode? Three words for you: Interdimensional Shadow People. ::shudders::

     

    #1 Scariest Nightmare on Elm Street Movie

    Nightmare

    That goes to the original. Every time I watch it, it’s legitimately scary. The imagery and body bag scene with Tina are terrifying. Freddy is just present enough. Plus, the bummer-sequel-boo ending just delights me. And seeing Nancy and her friends driven away in the Freddy-car screaming is just oh-so-satisfying. 6-freddy-vs-jason

    I’ll give Freddy Vs. Jason a close second, because damn it, I love that movie.

     

    #1 Scariest Freddy Krueger Kill

    Nightmare Philip

    That said, the best Freddy kill, in my opinion goes to Philip Anderson’s death in A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. It’s this scene right here, where Freddy worms into Philip’s dream, slices his veins out of his body, and uses them like marionette strings to puppet-walk him out the window.

    I saw this scene when I was like, 4 or 5 on Pay-Per-View (hahahaha, old) and it terrified me. Hell, traumatized me isn’t even an embellishment. It scared the ever-living-freakin’ daylights out of me. Not only did it seriously scare me, but this scene affected me so badly that for years I was afraid of having the inside of my arms touched. The words blood test, veins, needles, and shots were enough to send me screaming out of the room. It was really that bad! Over time, I fell in love with my captor– Freddy and I have a very special relationship today.

     

    #1 Scariest Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors Episode

    simpsonsthe-shinninghomershining_0

    Man, this is tough. To this day, half of my personality is made up of Simpsons quotes. But I think I need to give it to “The Shinning”. Because I’ll never forget the way I died the first time I saw the “Go Crazy” scene. Like, I’m just looking at the pictures right now and I can’t deal. I’m losing my mind like a mad person should because it’s Halloween, damn it.

    “You stay in here till you’re no longer insane! Hmm, chili would be good tonight.” This is a quote that sums up half of my daily vocabulary.

    Close second goes to the Krusty Doll and Jack in the Box Homer episode. Oh yes, and the Simpsons version of “The Raven”, which seriously turned me onto Edgar Allen Poe as a kid. That’s a pretty amazing feat.

     

    #1 Scariest Sideshow Bob Simpsons Episode

    sideshow bob 0
    SIdeshow bob1

    For this entry, I’ll take some liberties and use scary and hilarious synonymously. After all, what happens immediately following a good scare? Exactly– we laugh. Glad we had this talk.

    Sideshow bob 2
    Sideshow Pinafore

    All right, so even though The Simpsons is 100% a comedy, there’s nothing scarier than the reoccurring theme that Bart is going to get his face murdered open by Krusty the Klown’s former sidekick Sideshow Bob. There have been probably 16,346 episodes featuring Bob and Bart in their evading romantic battle of the wits, but my all-time favorite Sideshow Bob episode of The Simpsons goes to the most excellent Season Five brilliance that is “Cape Feare”, simply for the quotes “Use a pen, Sideshow Bob” “Pee-pee-soaked heck hole” and Bob’s reenactment of the HMS Pinafore.

    Sideshow rake
    Sideshow bob rake

    Plus, that rake scene. ::mumbles::

     

    #1 Scariest Classic Halloween Cartoon

    Betty Boop Snow White
    Betty boop snow white 1

    My favorite spooky old black and white cartoon is Betty Boop’s Snow White. The art is incredible. The story is unsettling. It’s weird and creepy and reeks of 1933.

    36_cab_calloway-theredlist
    Please haunt me, Mr. Calloway.

    And I have very inappropriate feelings for Cab Calloway, the extremely popular jazz singer of “Minnie the Moocher” fame who did a lot of singing and dancing for the old Betty Boop cartoons. And seeing the rotoscoped version of him as Koko the Clown turn into a ghost evokes all sorts of cool things for me.

    Betty Bop Snow White background
    Just ignore these freaky demon-dudes in the background. Nothing to see here.

    You can see the Koko singing Calloway’s St. James Infirmary here, and if you click on it, seriously check out the unsettling spooky background art.

     

    #1 Scariest Retro Halloween Cartoon Special

    garfield

    Hands down, the scariest cartoon Halloween special goes to Garfield’s Halloween, from 1986. It’s a tough toss-up between this and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. But Garfield wins for a few reasons. The songs were fun. The imagery and ambiance was spooky. And this old guy here? I WAS NOT OKAY WITH THIS. Like, seriously!

    Garfield-Halloween-Special-Old-Man

    Garfield and Odie find themselves in a haunted house, where they lose their boats to this terrifying old creep. (I don’t remember how boats happened. But you can watch the special here.) He doesn’t let the cat and dog leave- he makes them listen to some creepy old unsettling tale of old people discomfort. I had to bounce from the room for this scene because it scared me so bad as a kid.

    garfield binky

    Binky the Clown was the least of my concerns. He was cool by me.

     

    #1 Scariest Retro Halloween TV Special

    Married with children
    married_with_children_Take_My_Wife_Please_death_al_bundy

    This goes without a doubt to the Season 8 episode of Married with Children “Take My Wife, Please”. The long and short of it, Al wishes for death and the Grim Reaper (Peg in a black wig) shows up, ready to drag him to hell. She refuses to leave him alone until a family member (in Dickens fashion) state that they need Al. There’s something so deliciously sexy and spooky about the Grim Reaper Peg and Al’s dynamic, almost like a backwards Morticia and Gomez that’s just awesome.

    Married with children halloween

    The B-plot takes place at Marcy’s Halloween party, where the rest of the clan is imitating the Village People, with one song (YMCA) on an endless loop. It’s just so haunted. And I always loved the last scene, where the Grim Reaper is standing in the doorway, with flames behind her, ready to take Al away. Cheesy, I know, but just so delightfully suiting to the show and its vibe.

    Married with Children Robert Englund

    (Too bad Robert Englund himself made an appearance an Lucifer in a season 11 episode. And no one watched season 11.)

     

    #1 Scariest Scary Story to Tell in the Dark

    xw81vjiaaymqvnplhfa2

    I’m going to cheat here. There are three books, I will choose one from each because Happy Halloween, damn it.

    scary-stories-me-tie-dough-ty-walker

    Book 1: “Me Tie Doughty Walker”. Yes, I know that woman from the “Haunted House” story is nightmarish. She’s the quintessential icon for the Scary Stories franchise. But the actual story itself wasn’t that great. The winner in frights goes to “Me-Tie-Doughty-Walker” because BLOODY HEAD DOWN THE FREAKING CHIMNEY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

    scary stories The Drum

    Book 2: “The Drum”. This story was my nightmare as a kid. Two sisters go into the woods to play and are told by a little gypsy girl that if they torture their mother and baby brother, she’ll give them some drum. Their mom tells them, in tears, that if they don’t stop their bad behavior, she’s going to leave them, take their baby brother, and in her place, will be a wooden mother with glass eyes and a wooden tail. The behavior continues. AND SHE LEAVES THEM. Their mommy disappears and in place is this haunted mom, with glass eyes and a wooden tail thumping on the floor. Do you know what that would have done to my psyche as a kid? Like, the true implications of that horror? Ugh, just absolute nightmares.

    Harold

    Book 3: “Harold”. Scarecrows are creepy. Farms are creepy. Stretching bloody skins out to dry in the sun…is creepy. Hold me. (Although runner up goes to “Maybe You Will Remember”, based on a true story of a woman getting ill on her travels. The hotel staff hides her body and redecorates the room and convinces her daughter that her mom never existed.)

     

    #1 Scariest Silent Film Horror Monster

    Lon-Chaney-as-The-Phantom-of-The-Opera

    No discussion, Lon Chaney in The Phantom of the Opera. I’m a huge Lon Chaney fan, so all of his makeup creations and body constricting contraptions are enough to get me properly sodden, (I’ll do a Chaney exclusive article one day because swoon) but the number one in scary monsters goes to The Phantom.

    Lon Chaney phantom
    thNOY96LVK

    In fact, out of all the Phantoms that have ever been, the stage show still uses the original 1925 Red Death costume as inspiration during the “Masquerade” scene. That’s how amazing the entire aesthetic and performance was. True terror. No hidden sexuality like the other phantoms. Just twisted, gnarly fear.

     

    #1 Scariest Non-Freddy Horror Icon

    Pennywise
    pen2-1024x576

    This one goes to my love, Pennywise the Clown, for two simple reasons.

    1. People fear clowns.
    2. Even if you don’t, Pennywise likes playing with you. Which means, even if you weren’t afraid of clowns, he’ll bug you like an obsessed ex until you are.

    Is that two reasons? Does that make sense?

    Starting to feel insane. Let’s keep going.

     

    #1 Scariest Fear Street Book

    The Secret Bedroom

    “The Secret Bedroom” is R.L. Stine’s masterpiece. Nothing is better than when a teenage girl is driven insane by spooky bedroom spooks. Or rather, when nothing is there and the character is just a loon. I remember those insane girls back in high school.

    They were hot.

     

    #1 Scariest Goosebumps Book

    42783-Welcome-To-Horrorland

    This one goes to “Welcome to Horror Land” because it tapped into as many fears as you could without traumatizing kids. You might have been freaked by the “spiders on the body” part. Me? I was bugged by the “sliding into oblivion” scene. And all wrapped up with a weird TV show action scene at the end. R.L. Stine, you are a horror god.

     

    #1 Scariest Spooky Song

    115025812

    And the winner is Somebody’s Watching Me by Rockwell. But really…come to think of it…the only good part is when Michael Jackson sings. And if that’s the case, we could just be listening to Thriller.

    thriller-still

    But these are fun scares. What happens when it’s all too real and Sting is singing about watching every move we make? Where do we draw the line between Halloween fun and “Oh snap, it’s all getting too real?”

    img-845540227
    Don’t stand so close to me, creep

    Flippin’ damn it, why do I take it to these “semi-logical but you’re still wasting your time extracting the fun out by over-analyzing every piece of stupid nostalgia pop culture?”

    cover_BeatFreakz_SomebodysWatchingMe_TigerRecords
    Send help

    WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?!

     

    #1 Scariest Halloween Candy

    2985908219_0552db4020_z1

    Candy corn. Because I love it and it ends friendships.

    treehouseofhorroriv16.png

    HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYBODY!

     

    You can find Loryn haunting Twitter. 

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    Loryn Stone
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    Loryn Stone has dedicated her life to the written Word of the Nerd. Her writing has also been published on other pop culture websites such as Cracked, LoadScreen, PopLurker, and Temple of Geek. Her debut young-adult novel "My Starlight" (a contemporary love letter to fandom, friendship, anime, cosplaying, love, and loss) is out now by Affinity Rainbow Publications. When she's not writing, Loryn's other interests include collecting robots (Megazords, specifically), playing bass, and blasting metal.

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