We’re back with another edition of Urban Legend: Fact or Fiction. In this chapter, we’re dissecting the tale of “The Choking Doberman.” So kick back with your furry best friend because this one is going to be hard to swallow.
The Story
A woman is returning home from grocery shopping sometime in the early 1980s. Upon entering her home she is greeted with the horrific sight of her beloved Doberman choking in the hallway. She immediately drops all her bags and rushes the ailing pooch to the vet.
When they get there the dog is rushed back, and she is told they will need to perform a tracheotomy which will take some time. So they send her home and will call when there is news. She does as instructed but almost as soon as she walks into the door her home phone starts ringing.
Fearing the worst she answers to hear her vet on the other line saying the police are on their way and to get out of the house. Once again, she does as instructed only for a cruiser to pull into her driveway less than a minute later.
Turns out her beloved dog was choking on two fingers that it bit off of a would-be robber. They were still inside, hiding in a hall closet, in shock from blood loss.
Variants & Themes
This is by far the oldest and most traceable urban legend we have dealt with so far. So for simplicity’s sake let’s go back to the beginning. In the 12th Century, a Welsh fable began about Llywelyn the Great and his dog Gelert. The story goes that Llywelyn returned home from a day of hunting to find blood on the floor, his newborn’s crib turned over, and the baby was nowhere in sight. Just then his faithful dog Gelert came to greet him with a blood-stained face.
Assuming the absolute worst, Llywelyn immediately kills the dog with his sword. Grappling with his loss he begins to walk away from the gorey scene when he hears the cries of a baby. His child is under the crib completely unharmed but accompanied by the corpse of a wolf. The animal broke in with the intent of attacking the child but was killed by the dog instead.
Realizing his horrible mistake Llywelyn buries Gelert with an incredible ceremony to honor his loyalty. This tale is so well known that there is even a grave for Gelert in Beddgelert, Wales. While the village took its name from an early saint named Kilart or Celert, many still say the dog is who the name came from.
From Wales to Vegas
Over the centuries this theme of an animal acting in a misunderstood manner but is really signaling danger crops up all over the world. But to speed things up a bit let’s jump to 1981 when this format morphed into its more modern form and hit the US. It first ran in the Phoenix New Times (via Snopes) on June 25, 1981, with the headline “Gagging Dog Story Baffles Police” where it allegedly took place in Las Vegas. However, the article admits to the legend’s dubious nature.
The New Times claims they got the tale from an “employee of a large industrial plant in the Valley. He said he had gotten the story third hand from another employee who in turn had heard it from a woman whose relatives in Las Vegas knew the dog’s owner. As of Friday, New Times was not able to nail down the identity of the Doberman’s mistress.”
“According to a spokesman at the Las Vegas Sun, that paper, too, was very interested in breaking the story,” it adds “Unfortunately, even though the story was all over Vegas last Thursday, the paper — and police — weren’t able to dig up one shred of evidence to prove the incident ever occurred. “The police are baffled,” the Sun spokesman said.”
Still Spread
Even with that very transparent admission, this story was still shared like gospel all over the US. Its well-worn nature made it easily adaptable to any region. The would-be victim is almost always a woman heavily implied to be living alone. The dog is simply swapped out for whatever breed was most feared at the time, with Pit Bulls being the current favored variant. And the wannabe attacker is always a man working solo.
Rarely does the tale dive into any backstory but when it does the dog was a gift given to the woman before she moved away from home for protection. Very few iterations have a husband accompany her to the vet, but she is normally living alone. The major changes in this one are the robber himself or the number of fingers ranging between 2 and 3.
Sometimes there is the added detail of the thief’s race which is always Black or Latin. Adding an obvious racist twist to the legend. There is even one seldom-told variant framed as a joke which pushes this further. With the punchline being “You know what looks good on an *insert racial slur of your choosing here*?” “A Doberman!”
Bonus Symbolism?
Some versions have the intruder escape only to be apprehended when he shows up at the ER with missing digits. In instances where he is found still inside the house, his location may change from a closet to a bathroom to a bedroom.
Some scholars believe the last location, paired with the victim almost always being a woman, does imply a threat of sexual assault. While legends do love symbolism, a la “The Killer in The Backseat” and “The Babysitter and The Man Upstairs” both of which share a lot of details with this story. It’s also safe to say a bleeding home invader is going to hide behind the first door that they can to get away from a dog attacking them.
And to be fair, that is one of the few logical details we get in this legend.
Is it Real?
No, this did not happen and several details of this story make little to no logical sense. If the dog bit off someone’s fingers there would be blood EVERYWHERE. Not just on the dog but on the home invader and all over any path they used to escape. Even factoring in the panic of seeing your beloved animal choking to death, how would you miss them and your home being covered in blood? (The Llywelyn version also seems to keep the blood magically contained under the crib and on the dog.)
While this detail was corrected for the version told above, many tellings also delay surgery. In most versions the operation will be performed “later that night” and that is why the owner is sent home, allowing for the phone call to take place. Yeah, living things tend to need air to continue living.
If a dog came into a clinic choking the first thing that would happen would be for them to check the animal’s airway. We doubt even Mr. Magoo could miss at least 2 bitten-off fingers in the dog’s throat. Even if, somehow, the fingers were not seen, the vet would be rushing the animal into surgery. No professional would wait around while a dog can’t breathe, because choking rarely clears up on its own.
Seriously Not How Vets Work
Speaking as someone who spent last year caring for a dying animal who required several scans and surgery, I was never sent away in an emergency. The only time I was ever sent home was when something was scheduled and we already knew it would take several hours. Even then I was invited to stay but warned it would be a very long wait. Basically, obvious plot convenience is obvious.
It’s also weird that in most versions the intruder hides out in the home and seemingly doesn’t try to escape. A few tellings cover this issue up with them passing out from blood loss or shock or both. Which is the most likely thing to happen, but in many tellings they are seemingly conscious when found. Making the versions where they are busted seeking medical attention or found passed out way more believable.
So dear reader, “The Choking Doberman” is:
Print Sources Used
- Brunvand, J. H. “The Choking Doberman.” Encyclopedia of Urban Legends, W. W. Norton and Company, 2001, pp. 71-72.
- Brunvand, J. H. “The Choking Doberman.” Too Good to be True: The colossal book of urban legends, W. W. Norton and Company, 2014, pp. 51-52.
- Brunvand, J. H. “The Choking Doberman.” Be Afraid Be Very Afraid, W. W. Norton and Company, 2004, pp. 185-186.
- Brunvand, J. H. “The Choking Doberman.” The Mexican Pet, W. W. Norton and Company, 1986, pp. 41-47.
- Brunvand, J. H. “The Choking Doberman.” The Choking Doberman And Other “New” Urband Legends, W. W. Norton and Company, 1984, pp. 3-18.
