We’re back with another edition of Urban Legend: Fact or Fiction. In this chapter, we are going to see if anyone has ever cooked themselves alive in a tanning bed. So throw on some suntan lotion, this is going to be a hot one.
The Story
A young woman is going on vacation in a week a decides that her white swimsuit would look stunning on top of a golden tan. She hits up the local salon which tells her that she can only tan for thirty minutes, twice a week. Given that her complexion is closer to a marshmallow than the deep bronze she desires, she hatches a plan to speed up the process.
She would do 30 minutes maximum, twice a week at every salon in town. Sometimes even hitting two places on the same day. After a week of this, she did get the complexion that she wanted and it did look great with her swimsuit. The trouble arose when she was on vacation and she started to notice she had a peculiar smell. As her trip wore on the odor got stronger and stronger to the point where no amount of showering or perfume would cover it up.
Once she got back home she immediately booked an appointment with her family physician. The doctor examined her closely, but could not identify the source of the stench. It wasn’t until a few days later when she collapsed that the hospital was able to figure out what was going on, the woman’s internal organs were cooked. The smell was her organs beginning to rot. Apparently, over-exposure to tanning rays can cook someone alive from the inside out, just like a microwave oven.
Variants
This legend dates back to the late 1980s when the “Dear Abby” column published a version on September 22nd and November 6th, 1987. To her credit, she did thoroughly debunk the tale but that’s never kept a good urban legend from spreading. [She wrote fully realizing she was about to do the same.]
In subsequent versions of this tale, the main character remains a young woman. However, her reasons for needing a tan do change. In some versions, she is a bride or bridesmaid, a high schooler getting ready for prom, or heading off to cheerleading camp. Basically, you can insert any social event someone would want to look their best for here.
The other major variant is how our main character dies. Like the version above she can die slowly while plagued by an unknown rank odor. Sometimes she expires during an important event like she collapses while coming down the stairs with her new husband. In some simplified versions she is found dead lying in her bed. In some other tellings, her doctor can figure it out quickly. However, he informs her she only has days to live since you can’t uncook an organ.
Every once and again our avid tanner beats the odds and lives but always with some kind of serious consequence. For example, sometimes just a nerve in her arm gets cooked but it causes the whole arm to need to be amputated. Nonsensical medical practices aside, the moral implications of the tale are clear, don’t be vain.
Pop Culture
1987 “Killer Workout” – This movie opens with a scene where a model, Valarie, is tanning when the machine malfunctions and she is set on fire.
1989 “Death Spa” – In this film a gym owner’s deceased wife, Catherine, comes back from the grave to stop him from dating. Towards the end, she has his new girlfriend tied to a tanning bed and threatens to turn her into ”fried chicken” with the press of a button.
1995 “MADtv” – A skit has a man walk into a tanning salon owned by two very tan people. It turns out the salon is attached to a BBQ restaurant that gets its meat by strapping the tanning beds shut and turning the heat up.
2005 “Urban Legend 3: Bloody Mary” – This one circumvents expectations a bit by having a guy burned alive while tanning. Even though Roger is your stereotypical manly jock, his quest for vanity lands him the same fate as his female counterparts. His death is not shown, but the machine malfunctions due to supernatural interference. We later see a smoking corpse that is only recognizable due to sporting the same glasses and shorts.
2006 “Final Destination 3” – During the third installment of the death-centric franchise best friends Ashlyn Halperin and Ashley Freund suffer this fate. On graduation day, they go to their local tanning salon and both become trapped in the machines as they malfunction. Like previous films, this malfunction was caused by a series of errors like the girls bringing a drink into the room after being told not to and turning up the heat causing the bed to spark.
2011 “Bones” – in the “The Bikini in the Soup” episode the liquefied remains of a wedding planner are found in her home tanning bed on Valentine’s Day. While she was murdered beforehand, the tanning bed cooking the body still fits with the misnomer this legend is based on.
2012 “CSI: Miami” – the episode “Last Straw” has a killer murder one of their victims by padlocking her in a tanning bed. Once they are in the tanning bed with their eyes closed and earbuds in, the killer turns up the heat.
2022 “The Simpsons” – in the show’s annual “Treehouse of Horror” episode Lisa writes this as a method of death in a segment parodying “Death Note.”
2024 “Lisa Frankenstein” – We have another twist on this tale with Zelda Williams’ debut feature-length film. We once again get a man going into a tanning bed, but this time it helps bring him back to life… Or at least look less like the zombie he is.
Is it Real?
Like the Pool Water Pee Indicator myth, this one can be debunked with science alone. The issue is this tale treats the ultraviolet light tanning beds use like the electromagnetic radiation your microwave uses to cook food. You cannot cook something in a tanning bed, even if you leave it there for a very, very long time.
This legend got so pervasive that in 2002, Smart Tan arranged the “Great American Cook-Off.” Salon owners across North America were encouraged to put food on their tanning beds and turn them on. Shop owners tested hamburgers, pork chops, chicken wings, and steak and absolutely none of it cooked. This is because ultraviolet light doesn’t penetrate your body past your skin. So it literally CAN’T cook anything.
A year later the “Mythbusters” episodes titled “Penny Drop” tested this as well and deemed it busted.
Now this isn’t all to say tanning isn’t risky. If you were to act like the person in this legend you’d almost certainly get a nasty case of sunburn. Tanning also presents a very real risk of skin cancer. However, it cannot cook you from the inside out as this urban legend claims. The only things we could dig up that have ever come close to legend happened in 1989, 2007, and 2012.
In 1989, Patsy Campbell of Indiana passed away due to burns she got after spending 25 minutes in a tanning bed 11 days prior. Unfortunately, she was on a drug to help treat psoriasis which made her more sensitive to light. The mix of tanning and her medication caused her to break out in hives 2 days after her tanning session, causing serious burns on over 70% of her body. This made her the first documented case of someone who died via tanning bed. Note this happened 2 years after the legend began.
In 2007, Clare Oliver an Australian woman, was diagnosed with melanoma, which she claimed was a direct result of over-tanning.
In 2012, Texan Rhonda Waits was found dead in her tanning bed. “I’ve spoken to the medical examiners officer,” said Samson Park Police Chief Randy Driver at the time. “There is no sign that her death was linked to the tanning bed.”
While all of these cases are obviously tragic, none come close to the claims made in this urban legend. It’s:
Print Sources Used
Brunvand, J. H. “Curses! Boiled Again.” Encyclopedia of Urban Legends, W. W. Norton and Company, 2001, pp. 102-102-103.
Brunvand, J. H. “Curses! Boiled Again.” Too Good to be True: The colossal book of urban legends, W. W. Norton and Company, 2014, pp. 292-293.
Brunvand, J. H. “Curses! Boiled Again (and Again, and Again).” Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid, W. W. Norton and Company, 2001, pp. 216-219.
