If you’re a fan of oversized items and breakfast cereal, we have got the eBay listing for you! Seller petelightning has listed a gargantuan bran flake for the totally reasonable price of £163,000 (roughly $193,155 USD). The flake even comes framed so the new owner can truly show off their unique taste in food and décor.
The flake is described as undamaged and still crispy, which causes us to question how the seller knows that…This “whopping wheat measures approx. 8.6cm x 7.3cm and has a folded edge, which means it’s technically a lot bigger.” For a size comparison, a normal bran flake only measures 2cm by 1cm. The seller has not had this huge bran flake studied by science yet. So potential buyers should be forewarned, they may get a knock on their door from the men in black.
Now you may be wondering how a mere mortal acquired such an out-of-this-world breakfast item. “I discovered the elephantine edible on a crisp winter morning whilst pouring out my least favourite breakfast cereal (aka ‘torture flakes’) in a vain attempt to wean myself off of Pop Tarts and “’be heathy for a change,’” the listing explains.
“A little tilt of the box was all it took to awaken this mammoth from its slumber, causing it to dislodge and thunder out in what seemed like slow motion before shattering the bowl and embedding itself in the table. I’ll never forget that there was a pigeon outside on the fence, which looked disconcerted but not overly concerned. Probably just putting on a brave face.”
Thankful no one in the immediate vicinity of its discovery was hurt. But when the seller checked the news later there “was a war, a pandemic, and food and fuel shortages.” So instead of aliens this time we will be blaming an extraterrestrial bran flake, to keep it spicey. This also should pair well with Brooklyn-based art collective MSCHF giant Froot Loop.
And while the listing acknowledges the seller has no idea how to transport it undamaged, he does assure the buyer “once the transaction is complete, you will never see or hear from me again.” Which is really the best you can hope for in the lawless wasteland that is the oversized bran flake market.
You can find out more about the item on the eBay listing but we are sorry to disappoint you, it seems the seller will not ship outside the UK.