Pandemics, inflation, Russian aggression in Europe, “Morbius” re-releases– the world has enough on its plate already. But according to New York City, that’s not enough for its denizens to worry about. Nosir, apparently you should also be preparing for nuclear warfare and the fallout from it.
The literal fallout, not the socio-political ramifications. In a wonderful modern-day throwback to the good old days of the Cold War, nuclear warfare PSAs are apparently a thing again in one of America’s most populous cities
The PSA [scroll all the way down if you just want to see the video] opens with the most benign and almost whimsical way of describing a nuclear mass casualty event. “So, there’s been a nuclear attack. Don’t ask me how or why, just know that the big one has hit.” Which immediately calls to mind that Captain America meme from a couple years ago.
Our presenter, standing in front of terrible green screen effects, tells us the steps we should follow if we happen to be involved in a nuclear event and are not immediately turned into dust. Mind you, this PSA doesn’t seem to be referring to a lower key nuclear attack like a dirty bomb, which disperses radioactive material. This thing is talking about the BIG one; a full-on nuclear attack. But let’s assume you survive long enough to get to step one, what are you supposed to do?
I hope you answered ‘get inside’ because if you didn’t, you’re probably dead. Again. According to this PSA at least. I mean, if you’re inside when that nuclear blast hits, you totally have a better chance of not being atomically obliterated with the building itself as if you were outside. In seriousness though, they’re mostly referring to the fallout that would result from the blast. Going inside would minimize your exposure to that. That’s also why they advise to close the doors and windows and stay away from them. Since this is where step two now comes into play.
Step two is an easy one for people who lack initiative, enjoy laziness, or are just introverts; stay inside. Just don’t go out, and if possible, move into the center of the building. This is all for the sake of trying to avoid radiation exposure. The further inside the building you are, the less likely you are to be exposed to whatever’s going on inside. Unless of course your building is a terrible background you’ve been super imposed onto, in which case you’re probably screwed. But, if have a real home and stay away from windows, then any annoying neighbors who you don’t want using your bomb shelter, won’t be able to tell if you’re home or not. There’s also the stuff about showering and removing your clothes, which is again, all part of radiation removal. Kinda like when they scrubbed Indiana Jones down after he totally realistically escaped a nuclear blast in a lead refrigerator. Remember that? Because that happened.
Finally we have step three, stay tuned. Again, kind of a gentle and almost lackadaisical way of telling people how to survive a nuclear event. “Hey, I know we just got nuked but, stay tuned. We’ll have more information coming to you soon after this message from Keebler cookies.” This is also assuming that the resulting EMP from the nuclear blast hasn’t fried ever electronic device in your home. Hopefully the newspaper delivery system is still in place then or something. But either way, NYC is advising you to listen for continual updates about the situation. Which to be fair, you were probably going to do anyway. No one just “accepts” a nuclear explosion in the middle of the day and then is all, “Huh, well, don’t need to look into that any further to see what’s up.”
Seriously though, what the hell is up with this PSA? Even if we want to take this threat seriously, pretty sure this isn’t the tone you should be going for. You ever watch some of those Canadian PSAs? Those things will terrify you into listening to whatever they tell you. That’s the stuff that will keep you awake at night and wondering whether or not you locked the doors, put child protective covers over the electrical outlets, and have done enough in your life to secure diplomatic peace between you and the remnants of the USSR that are still loyal to Mother Russia.
Basically what we’re trying to say is, maybe take the NYC Nuclear Preparedness PSA seriously, but check out this video of Canadian PSAs.