With the success of Avengers: Infinity War – $300+ million after a week – we can all assume Marvel/DC are going to crank out movies until we all die. We know who’s getting movies, but who DESERVES a chance to shine? Here are 8 characters who need films and their genres.

Oh, and you may be surprised by just WHO deserves a film.

HOWARD THE DUCK – SCI-FI/COMEDY

Howard the Duck had a movie, but it sucked. The problem with the movie is that it had absolutely nothing to do with he comics. The comics are a witty, abstract journey that parodies pop culture and comics with bits of existentialism. The movie… had a duck playing guitar. So, yeah, it wasn’t anything like the comics…

Created by Steve Gerber and Val Mayerick, Howard the Duck rocketed – well, slowly simmered – on the scene of Bronze Age Marvel. Now imagine a movie that takes all the absurdity and intelligent contemplation of the comic and nails the over-stuffed sci-fi epics of our day. Howard the Duck could artful take apart Star Wars and the Avengers film with a little bit of sly self-referential humor and a philosophical heart. As long as he’s still miserable in Cleveland.

SON OF SATAN – HORROR

Damion Hellstrom was born with the most ironic name in history, given that he was the spawn of pure evil. Well, a weird comic book version of evil Satanism and wiccanism. I mean, this was the 70’s and Marvel, so it wasn’t EXACTLY accurate in the depiction of, well, anything. But it was darned entertaining.

Half-human, half-Satan (or demon, or Lucifer, or whatever the origin is that week), Damion and his brilliant named sister Satana could dive in the occult and horror side of Marvel. Imagine a cross between Blade, 70’s Hammer horror films, and Marvel action. It could be the Kill Bill of horror movies and bring a reviltilization into a genre that’s become all too predictable.

Though it might be hard to get Disney to produce a movie called “Son of Satan”, I could see this is a Netflix original film that’s actually not awful.

HERCULES – ACTION/FANTASY

Yes, we have Thor and Wonder Woman, but we can always use more classic fantasy action films.

Imagine a hero as strong as Thor, as dangerously skilled as Wonder Woman, but who is also a king-hearted doofus. Hercules has a comic history as a drunken womanizer (and a few men thrown in, because ancient Greecse), so he could be in a delightful fish-out-of-water story as a the Greek hero learning how to fit into modern society, sort of like Thor and Captain American, but way more over-the-top. It could also be fun to play off the fact that a lot of people really doubt if he’s a god or just a crazy guy.

WONDER MAN – BIOGRAPHY

Simon Williams, the Wonder Man, is the perfect character to try and do something truly different for Marvel/Disney. I see Wonder Man as a mockumentary/drama-mockumentary, about a former supervillian who is trying to turn his life around and make a name for himself as a hero. I love the superhero genre but let’s be honest here, it’s stale. And that’s a real shame because comic book stories can, and do, do anything… romance, comedy, action, etc. Why not take a lesser known hero and do something NEW with him?

Oh, and I need a montage of him trying all his terrible costumes before settling on a final one.

GHOST RIDER – WESTERN

You: “Ghost Rider got a movie! Two, actually, and they were both beyond awful.”

Me, an intellectual: “Wrong Ghost Rider, noob.”

The original Ghost Rider (aka Phantom Rider) was a hero who was kind of like the Lone Ranger with a cooler costume. Take the movie, make it an action western, and bring Marvel’s Movieverse roots back into the Wild West. Oh, and the original Ghost Rider has multiple heroes dawn the mantle, so why not play that up to interesting effect, with multiple generations tacking an amazing adversary with guns and sand, western-style.

 

WHITE RABBIT – ACTION

There is a DANGEROUS lack of movies about villains, and another lack of movies about women. So why not take an obscure Spider-Man villian and try something, you know, different. Why would a woman turn into a bad guy? And why with such a ridiculous gimmick? Have Dr. Lorina Dobson throw on a costume and go from trophy wife to capable baddie.

MOON GIRL/DEVIL DINOSAUR – ANIMATED

Marvel has really only had one animated film so far (Big Hero 6) with a second, an animated Spider-Man movie staring Miles Morales, coming soon. What would be more delightful than a weird, spacey movie about a young girl and a giant, red dinosaur? Devil Dinosaur is one the greatest names for anything ever, and Moon Girl is fun.

Imagine Lunella and Devil Dinosaur meeting some of the stranger, weirder heroes that we know won’t ever get their own movie, on a sort of classic 80’s roadtrip. She’s also extremely smart, adding to the 80’s “gadget creating kids” trope of a classic 80’s roadtrip film! With some fantastic Disney animation, this could be a real winner.

DAZZLER – ACTION DRAMA

Dazzler is a terrible character created because of disco, I guess. Alison Blaire was created by committee to cross promote with Casablanca Records. Every part of her creation and character sound, well, awful and lame.

So, that’s the point! Why not make a serious movie about a young woman thrust into the spotlight as a hero to promote her singing career who then realizes the duties involved with being a hero, and why it’s important. Oh, and the movie could certainly say a few things about modern culture, with pop stars and the 24 hour news cycle. I think the right director with some visual weirdness could take Dazzler from “who?” to “yes!”

Or a Dazzler movie would turn out so awful that it would go down in history. Either way, Marvel gets my $12 for a ticket!

 

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