Acclaimed director Steven Spielberg is in the news lately thanks to his alien thriller, Disclosure Day. The movie is by no means the first time he’s done something involving visitors from another planet. After all, this is the guy who gave us Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. He also gave us the Indiana Jones franchise, which is decidedly more grounded on Earth. Or it was at least until 2008’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. That film turned the franchise in a direction that many took issue with. Apparently, those people included Spielberg himself and Harrison Ford.
“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”
Photo by David James, Paramount Pictures
Aliens vs. Religion
In a recent article for Vulture, an “oral history” of Spielberg’s films was told. When the subject of Crystal Skull came up, former Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy and co-writer George Lucas offered up their thoughts on the movie. Of particular note is Kennedy stating that “Steven was struggling with that movie. Harrison was struggling with the movie. They didn’t want to do a Raiders movie that involved aliens, and they kind of got into a fight with George about it.” Lucas offered up his own explanation of this.
According to the Star Wars mastermind, “I wanted it to be kind of a War of the Worlds sort of thing. Harrison said, ‘I’m not going to do another science-fiction movie.’ And Steven said, ‘I’m not going to do another science-fiction movie.'” He didn’t say “why” they both felt that way, but it seems like George is missing the point. The previous Indiana Jones films had all been about religious, spiritual artifacts. Raiders of the Lost Ark was about the Ark of the Covenant. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was about the Sankara Stones that were tied to Hindu mythology. Then Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was about the Holy Grail. Part of the magic of all that is how it makes spiritual myths and beliefs feel like a tangible thing. It brings the spiritual realm to life. Aliens don’t do that.
In an almost laughable “compromise,” Lucas said that he and Steven settled over the creatures in Crystal Skull not being aliens, but beings from another dimension. Kennedy added that the decision to go with aliens still left such a bad taste in Harrison’s mouth that it spurred him on to make Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. While yes, that film was an improvement over Crystal Skull, the bar was left so incredibly low. In fact, you would have a better time watching a toddler play with an Indiana Jones action figure than you would watching Crystal Skull.
An Opinion on the Film, if You’ll Allow
Allow me to digress for a moment as I intentionally segue this news piece into an opinion article. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is an abysmally shitty film. It’s the kind of movie that leaves you wondering, if not screaming, “WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!” throughout its excessive runtime of two hours. And two hours shouldn’t even be an excessive runtime! But when a film is this grossly inept at delivering a positive experience, yeah, two hours is excessive.
The aliens were only part of the problem here. It got off to a horrible start with the atrociously bad “nuking the fridge” scene. You know the one, where Indy survives an atomic blast by hiding in a lead-lined fridge. Yes, the franchise has had some level of ridiculousness before, but not to this supremely dumb extreme. Then there are the ants that devour flesh at extremely fast rates, the goddamn monkeys that can swing fast enough through the jungle to keep up with a jeep. There’s also EVRYTHING wrong with Shia LeBeouf as Indy’s son and the plot twist about the quadruple agent work for/against/for/against Indy. We’ve also got the complete wasting of Cate Blanchett‘s talents as an actress, and the awesomeness that would have been having Karen Allen back as Marion, only to get stuck in this shit.
Crystal Skull vs. Temple of Doom
Some people will tell you that Temple of Doom is a weak entry in the original trilogy. I personally find it to be my least favorite. But even with that said, holy hell, does the film have some amazing set pieces. It’s a special and practical effect masterpiece. The minecart sequence is worth the ticket price alone because of how fun it is. Crystal Skull lacks that kind of fun. Its set pieces are all undercut by this constant sense of ludicrousness. If the previous adventures of Indy were guilty of testing suspension of disbelief, this blows through it with the force of a lead fridge being flung from and by a nuclear explosion.
Even if Steven Spielberg had his way, it wouldn’t have been enough to save Crystal Skull from being a bad film. It truly has so many other issues working against it. However, a spiritual element to it, as opposed to a science-fiction one, would have at least grounded it better within the franchise.
As it stands, it’s a disgrace to the Indiana Jones name and is flat-out unpleasant to watch. George Lucas allegedly threatened to hunt down and destroy all copies of The Star Wars Holiday Special. Spielberg should offer to do the same with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Goddamn aliens, man.
