Crayola Color Wonder markers are and will always be stupid.
A total waste of money and resources. It’s interesting to see what companies can come up with when their own product is the competitor. Presenting: Crayola Color Wonder Markers! Who needs washable markers when you can sacrifice fun and usability for not having to worry about washing anything at all? It’s the coloring set for people who are just too busy to have to worry about a kid making a mess and then them having to clean it up. But also, who has the money to buy special equipment for their kids to do the simple act of coloring!
Whichever parent they’re marketing to in this commercial likely does not or could not exist. If they did, they were most certainly an only child with OCD and probably flipped the light switch on and off 15 times in a row so that the boogeyman wouldn’t get them. How else do you explain what’s in this video? What kind of psychopath has everything white when they have kids? That’s a special kind of delulu.
Color Wonder Markers & Paint
Here’s their version for marketing: “Color without the cleanup! Crayola Color Wonder Markers and Paint are a classroom and family favorite – only working on Color Wonder paper, so there’s no more mess on skin, clothes, or furniture. It’s like magic in every stroke! Perfect for teachers, parents, and little artists who love vibrant color without the worry. Great for travel, quiet time, and creative learning.”
Now here’s my version: “Color without the cleanup! Because using crayons is beneath your child, but they might be too creative with actual markers and paint. Crayola Color Wonder Markers are what every sad beige kid thrives on- nothingness! It’s rewarding their creativity by telling them no, don’t be an artist here, little Jimmy. There’s no mess on skin, clothes (because what a nightmare having to Mr. Clean eraser your toddler’s $150 Nikes), or furniture (because these hypothetical parents in my head are shopping from Pottery Barn). For the love of vibrant color without the worry. Why would colors make you worry? WHY?”
Here are a few reasons why they are the world’s dumbest art supply.
1. The Markers Only Work on “Special” Paper
That’s right. Their number one selling point: they only work on special paper, so your options are limited. What can you create with a marker that only lets you write on some things, sometimes? Not much. And what if you were playing with it, had a really great idea, and then tried to draw it, but you messed up? Now you need another “special” piece of paper that’s not readily available. Hope that wasn’t your last piece, because you’re SOL now, kid!
2. The Delayed Color Reveal Was Very Anti-Climactic
You know how watching something get drawn on YouTube is kind of therapeutic? Like watching Bob Ross paint his happy little trees, drawing and painting is about watching what you’re doing apply directly to your canvas. Generally, we take the fact for granted that those things are instantaneous. Now, imagine doing those things, only the color comes up a few seconds too late to care. By the time you’re on to the next part of the picture, part one is barely just arriving. The chemical reactions that caused the dye in the marker to appear on the specially coated paper take time.
I think that’s why those early Bambu tablets never really caught my eye either. If I’m going to draw on the computer with a tablet, the only way for me to know where I am in relation to the drawing has everything to do with how fast it appears on the monitor. The same goes for this: I need to have the first line there to be able to do the second one, and if I guess wrong and just keep going, I’ll start the second line in the wrong place.
3. Pay to Play but In Real Life
How do we make parents spend even more on their kids’ art things? You know how HP printers can detect when the cartridge you’re using isn’t genuine, and it blocks all access to printing? Well, this is kind of like that. You have to buy the real thing, or there is no drawing happening. Only this time, joke’s on you! If you don’t get the paper, those markers are useless too! It would be one thing to say that “there’s an unexpected special effect if you use this particular paper” rather than saying they only work on this paper and/or they just don’t work at all. Like, make the markers usable anywhere with a paper that is more of an “in addition to” situation.
4. Can You Say Redundant?
Remember when I said, “It’s interesting to see what companies can come up with when their own product is the competitor.” Well, I kind of mentioned it there, because that IS what happened here. They came up with a product that their washable markers had already fixed. It’s like when you’re drunk at a bar, and you’re so drunk (or in your home, so high) you’re eating grapes, talking about how these are so good, they should make a juice out of this! You basically came up with something that already exists, and its direct competitor is what it’s made out of: grapes!
So yeah, some guy in marketing probably came up with this as a way to beat out the competitor, themselves. Because at least this way you feel like you’re not being a shitty parent. Buy them these markers and a couple of coloring books, don’t actually know what you’re buying, and let them go at it. The real problem here is that once they’ve used up those books, you’re oblivious to the problem. And maybe you never wanted them to be creative in the first place if you can’t even get them “real” markers.
5. They Found a Way to Restrict Creativity Instead of Encouraging it.
The strangest thing about Color Wonder is that an art supply designed for children actually gave them fewer ways to be creative. Kids couldn’t just draw their marks all over everything. You lose the ability to create when you place excessively restrictive limits on what a child can do. When they need to make a birthday card, they can’t just be thoughtful and do it. They have to be tied down to certain utensils. They can’t just express themselves in a way that turns out to be extremely therapeutic. You know, art therapy? Kids don’t get to do that with this crap.
As a parent, something that I truly enjoy is finding random art around the house. The things that kids draw when they’re sad, even if it’s not in a place it’s supposed to be.
The things they draw when they need to know something for the future – like this wonderful picture of a poop on my bathroom door.
Or the things that just surprise you out of nowhere. Like this lovely snake that beautifully graces my bedroom door.
What I’m basically saying is that there is a time and a place for expressing yourself through art. And that should be anywhere and everywhere. And there you have around 1200 words on why Crayola Color Wonder Markers are the dumbest creation on Earth. At least they are to me anyway, and maybe now to you too.
