Well, this is a new one for us. We’re all used to Florida Man stories. Someone in Florida does something uniquely weird that makes news for very good reason. There are certainly no shortage of these stories, but this latest one is in a league of its own. This one involves teleportation, comic book heroes, aliens, and a stolen BMW.
Florida resident Calvin Curtis Johnson was allegedly spotted around Bicentennial Park in Ormond Beach on Monday, December 8th, 2025. There at the same time was a man who was reportedly walking his dog and had left his keys in the cupholder of his unlocked BMW. Not locking the car proved to be a poor idea as a witness saw Johnson get into the car and drive off with the newly acquired stolen property.
Any thoughts of the car being returned in one piece were shattered in a crash which was proceeded by Johnson driving up to 130 mph. He crashed along the side of the road, and received relatively minor injuries to his face. It was when police were talking to him where things took a turn.
When police asked him how he got into the car, he told them that he was teleported into it. That the “X-Men” made him do it. No word on whether or not he smelled brimstone following Nightcrawler’s BAMF.
After being fully removed from the crashed car and being placed into police custody, Johnson profusely thanked the officers for saving him from “the aliens.”
Which aliens? No clue. Xenomorphs? Gray reticulans? Your guess is as good as ours. Obviously, we’re not medical professionals, but watching the bodycam footage from responding officers show a man who is clearly not in his right state of mind. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, a medical condition; something was impacting Johnson and we’re pretty damn sure it wasn’t aliens or the X-Men.
