Sometimes life just hands you stories to write about where the jokes are just too easy. You’ve already heard them all before, I’m sure. That’s why we’ll skip past those, and dive right into what you’re here for-
The wild horde of rampaging monkeys loose in South Carolina, that may or may not usher in the beginning of a real “Planet of the Apes” or “12 Monkeys” scenario.
Tucked away in the southern part of South Carolina is the Alpha Genesis Primate Research Center. The lab currently has a 2.5-star review on Google, but a good chunk of reviews have been 1-star ratings over the last 24-hours. Why? Well, probably because the lab has somehow lost 40 or so Rhesus macaque monkeys. Sources vary as to the actual number of monkeys; some say 40, others indicate up to 43. Regardless, that’s more monkeys than you’d think somebody could just lose or would escape so easily.
The good news is that the monkeys are apparently not dangerous. They’re also too young and small to have been used for experiments, so there’s no risk that they’ve been genetically modified to be super intelligent and will ultimately account for humanity’s collapse. However, that being said, they’re still wild animals and you probably don’t want them entering into your house. That’s why residents of the Yemassee area in SC are advised to keep your doors and windows closed.
Police are currently searching for the monkeys that escaped on Wednesday and cited the reason for the escape as an enclosure door not being fully closed. Apparently, a new employee failed to secure the door, which, sure, blame the new guy as always. How do you explain that to the higher ups anyway? First day on the job and you let the monkeys out. But seriously, police are currently helping with the search but as of the time of this writing have yet to track down the primates. If you do happen to see one of little critters, you’re encouraged to call 911.
We’ll update if/when the monkeys are found.
