The Nerd Side Of Life

Red Dead Redemption 2: A How-To Guide to Leaving Your Social Life Forever

Video games have always been able to steal time away from you in creative and differing ways. My fiancee and I have been reliving our childhoods going through the catalog on the Super Nintendo Classic. So many of those oldies but goodies don’t really care about story whatsoever. I mean, Donkey Kong has all of his bananas stolen, and there’s a hell of a lot of bees between him and getting those back, but that’s about it. (And Diddy Kong does most of the work, but I digress).

That isn’t to say platformers are better or worse than story heavy games. They can be just as entertaining and certainly take time away from you. God only knows how many hours went into collecting chaos emeralds and releasing the forest critters from their metal prisons while going fast.

Then there are the games that make you become someone else. As much as I pretended I was Sonic running around the backyard, other games provide a little more immersion. Those games, in particular, can make you forget that you probably should have gone into work today, and that feeling in your stomach is because you haven’t eaten anything other than Cool Ranch Doritos for the past 48 hours.

Red Dead Redemption 2 comes out October 26th, 2018 and it looks to trump all of those immersive games that have come before it. In fact, we here at Nerdbot are a little concerned. You may not realize just what kind of prep work goes into saying goodbye to your life as you know it. The wild west just may suck you in, and you need to show proper manners when exiting your social life completely.

We’ve got you covered with this handy how-to guide:

1. Visit your notary to write formal letters informing your family that you have a new family.

All he knows is the first 10 seconds of “Stairway to Heaven”

The gang is your family now. The wild west is a dangerous place to be, especially when you are the ones making it that way. Outlaws have to stick together. Sorry old family, but the new one will need all of your attention.

In Red Dead Redemption 2 you play a character named Arthur Morgan, a member of the infamous Van Der Linde gang. The very same from the first Red Dead Redemption. Being infamous has a price: the gang has to live on the fringes of society, surviving in the frontier to keep the law off their backs.

This is where you come in. As Arthur, you can hunt and rob your way into providing for your makeshift family. You build a reputation for yourself within the gang’s infrastructure that opens up more character information and missions provided by your fellow cohorts.

Your hideout is yours to create. What kind of camp will you set up for your outlaw buddies? You can share stories around the fire, gamble, and drink, and that’s just some of the quick things we get to see from the first full gameplay trailer.

Sorry real fam, you can’t let Marston clean you out at Five Card again.

2. Make sure your pets are given to non-Red Dead Redemption playing friends/family. You will have new pets to take care of!

Aww, so nice to help out those sleepy animals!

Sure, your family may miss you, one method to soothe those hurts is to give them your pet. Like a fluffier, more adorable version of you, your pet will take your place to fill the void you left behind.

For good reason!

Each horse in Red Dead Redemption 2 has a personality all their own. Some are made for hauling your lazy ass around faster than the rest, others stay calm while gunshots are going off in their ears. Some just want to buck you off, laugh, then go horse around with their friends.

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The way you treat your horse will influence whether they will reconsider biting you when you keep kicking their sides while someone is shooting at you (and them). Your mount will feel like a character themselves. This is a rare thing in video games. I mean, sure, Epona from the Legend of Zelda feels kind of like a character at times, but when you gotta back up for the 100thtime because she glitched out and didn’t hop that fence she was supposed to again, the immersion starts to falter.

So feed your trusty steed, don’t brush against the grain, and be sure to tell them every good pun you can think of because, hey, they love that stuff.

3. Take one last deep breath of fresh air, turn back inside, and laugh at how little you will need Mother Nature ever again.

Horse: “We have to go to the top? I wish this was Skyrim…”

When I go hiking, sometimes I like to pretend I’m way out in the middle of nowhere, lost in the great unknown, trying to get this damn ring around my neck to the nearest volcano. Then I realize I like using flushing toilets.

It always looks badass seeing Clint Eastwood set up a fire out in the wilds, kicking back against a tree as he hunts down someone on the frontier. The movies rarely show the nitty-gritty of being out away from civilization. Red Dead has you covered though. You can have all the comforts of home while being in the great outdoors.

And great they are.

The landscapes and vistas look absolutely stunning in Red Dead Redemption 2. The scenes vary as you roam the mid-west. There’s mountain peaks, snow-filled valleys, desert sunsets, and prairies as far as the eye can see. There were more than a few moments that I forgot I was watching a video game trailer with the action in the foreground of the clip being outdone by the beauty of the horizon in the background.

That wilderness isn’t empty either. There’s wildlife out there that is perfectly fine living their lives without you interrupting. Some might just have a few things to say, and few teeth to say it with, if you get in the way. The frontier isn’t just dangerous because the law is hunting you down, it’s dangerous because, as you try to get your horse through the swamp, that alligator thinks you look mighty tasty. Jokes on him, though, all you’ve eaten is Cool Ranch Doritos.

4. Take your friends to the best coffee place, brewery, or restaurant and enjoy one last hang before ditching them forever.

Pressing circle starts a conversation about The Last Jedi

Who needs these old friends you’ve had maybe since Kindergarten when there are so many new people to meet?

Red Dead Redemption 2makes your social interactions more in-depth as you ride from town to town in your awesome duster. You can greet that traveler passing by before you rob them, or you can tell that guy pointing a gun at you that, hey, that’s not appreciated.

In the gameplay trailer, we see different options assigned to different buttons that allow you to interact with the populace of the old west the way that you want. I love the first Red Dead, and John Marston is one of my favorite characters of all time, but the game certainly makes it hard to be anything but a man looking to set things right. Hopefully, this is a nod to how much more control you will have on the personality of the main character.

Of course, I’m a goodie goodie when it comes to games so Arthur will probably end up more like John Marston, even if he doesn’t have to.

And you stay out of this!

The good news (and bad news) is, you have some time. Prepare those personalized, notarized letters to the people in your life because you are gonna be spending some quality time in the wild west. Oh and please wash your hands before playing with those Dorito fingers, rookie mistake!

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