Girl Scout Cookie season is in full swing with orders being delivered, kids posting themselves outside of stores with chaperones in-tow, and people already chowing down on the confectionary goodies. Cookie quality is as subjective as all food is, but I wanted to take a moment to give my personal ranking of the nine current flavors on the market. It also gives me a chance to mention how important these sales are to the organization.
Selling cookies is just as much about personal interaction and sales strategy as it is about the cookies themselves. Girl scouts have to help push teh merchandise in a respectful fashion, tender cash, do math, give change, and facilitate a positive customer interaction. Basically, they are living the nightmare of an introvert. That money helps local troops as well, who can use that money to support their own trips and gatherings, or put it back into the community through donations and funding acts of good will. That’s what really should be taken from this article more than anything, not the ridiculous ranking. But you already read the headline, and I do want to seriously dunk on a few of these cookies… so here goes!
Oh! But first, I should note that there’s a thing about cookies and availability. So, there are two different bakeries that the Scouts get their cookies from, ABC Bakers and Little Brownie Bakers. This ranking is based on the ABC selections that are in my area. So my apologies to Lemon-Ups and Toffee-tastic lovers.
9. Trefoils
What the hell is this? A shortbread cookie in the shape of the Girl Scout logo? Get that out of here! Shapes don’t have flavor and neither does shortbread! Throw some frosting on this thing and get back to me once you have that sorted out! …But seriously, there is something to be said about the simplicity of a shortbread cookie. If you’re looking for something that just is what it is and doesn’t aim to be anything more, this is the cookie for you.
8. Caramel Chocolate Chip
It’s gluten free! It’s the only cookie that is. So if that’s what you’re looking for then this is your number one cookie by default. If not though, it’s nothing special beyond being a chocolate chip cookie with a bit of caramel. At the very least it represents truth in advertising. I’ve had one but didn’t find it to be any better or worse than something I could buy in a store. But again, it’s gluten free. So that’s that.
7. Thin Mints
These are routinely, the best selling cookies that the Girl Scouts offer. All that goes to show is that the American public is wrong and horrible at identifying quality cookies. It’s a chocolate wafer covered with more chocolate and some mint mixed in. What’s the deal with doubling down on the chocolate? The wafer is chocolate, why not go all in on a creamy mint frosting? Or mix it up with chocolate cookie innards but a dark chocolate and mint frosting! But whatever this Thin Mint is just represents the kind of mediocrity that people want more than anything else. Enjoy your Thin Mints, America! Settle for something less when you could have better!
6. Exploremores
When I said we could have something better, this isn’t exactly what I meant. The Exploremores is the newest cookie to be added to the bunch, displacing the S’mores cookie from previous years. It’s basically a poor excuse for an Oreo. Two chocolate cookies with a creme in the middle, but this one is made up of chocolate, marshmallow, and allegedly almond. I couldn’t taste a hint of almond, nor do I know why it would be necessary in the midst of all this stuff. Maybe put the almond flavor in the cookie itself? Either way, it makes little sense to eat this cookie when you could eat any number of Oreo flavors. But at least it’s better than a Thin Mint.
5. Lemonades
So, I mentioned the Trefoils earlier and it’s time we revisit them with a bit of a twist… a lemon twist! Lemonades are also a shortbread based cookie but with some lemon icing applied. This is where the magic of shortbread comes into a greater focus. By pairing the sweetness of it with the mildly sour citrus flavor of lemon, we get something greater than the individual parts themselves. The Lemonades are not just a solid cookie but an excellent example of how the right combination of ordinary things can create something superlative.
4. Do-si-dos
Oatmeal cookies seem to get a bad rap amongst people. Maybe it’s because they’re often paired with the divisiveness that is the raisin. They get a much better chance to shine here with peanut butter. Like the Exploremores they’re a sandwich type cookie, but the peanut butter filling here is sublime They look exceedingly plain but make up for it with a strong flavor profile that shows off the power of oatmeal!
3. Tagalongs
The Tagalongs are essentially the more decadent version of the Do-si-do. Instead of the oatmeal cookies, we’ve got traditional cookie flavor with peanut butter inside and chocolate to seal all of that goodness inside. It doesn’t matter how often the combo of peanut butter and chocolate is played out, it does not get old and tastes exceptionally strong here. This is just a damn good cookie that’s as reliable as it is smoothly brilliant.
2. Adventurefuls
Another newer cookie, this one is more of a layered brownie. A chocolate brownie type cookie is paired with caramel creme and another layer of chocolatey stripes. Together, they give this cookie some weight and richness. It is almost unreasonable substantive in terms of the flavor it offers. Pairing it with a glass of milk puts it even more above and beyond what it already is. This is almost everything that the Exploremore wishes it could be but will never attain.
1. Samoas
Chocolate, caramel, and coconut. The latter of these is admittedly, an acquired taste. Coconut does not haver universal appeal and some people are adamantly opposed to it. For those who do enjoy it though, they are the ones who will attain the entry to cookie heaven. The Samoa is the pinnacle of Girl Scout cookies. They look like they would have a crunchy texture based on all that coconut, but they don’t. They’re actually quite soft and lovely and will love you in return for as long as they linger on your taste buds. It’s the right combination of all three major flavors, put together in disc form with a hole in the middle. But the hole is filled with invisible awesomeness that will stay with you until next year when the cookies go on sale again.
