There’s a collection of films that I’d count as a one and done, the kind that leave you so unnerved and unsettled that even if you walk away feeling like you’ve just watched a masterpiece you never want to sit through the experience again. “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is that kind of experience, a near two our panic attack in film form that runs its viewers through a gamut of emotional turmoil and leaves you exhausted in the end. I’ll be honest, it took some reflection to come around on the film’s undeniable staying power. There’s nothing easy about this watch, and I left the theater at Sundance wondering what the hell I just went through. I was so put off but its affronting pace and haunting visuals I wasn’t entirely sure what to feel.
But as the months have passed and I’ve allowed it to sit with me, I’ve come around on not just its effectiveness and tour de force performance from Rose Byrne, but its long lasting imprint of rarely seen maternal struggle and matriarchal fury laid bare. “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is an undeniable work, an unforgettable, confident vision from writer/director Mary Bronstein. It is uncompromising in its depiction of its more complex themes and combines grounded reality with a surrealist fever dream rarely seen so balanced in such a gripping approach. There’s certainly a misery porn version of this, one that trades out its layered themes and nuanced, often unhinged performance from Byrne for just straight up relishing in suffering. But Bronstein is careful never to take things too far – at least not in the vein of feeling a disdain for her lead – rather imbuing her tragically struggling mother with empathy and humanity.
Byrne plays Linda, a therapist with a daughter suffering from a unique ailment that requires constant supervision and a mostly absent husband. As she desperately tries to keep everything together and be a mother, a caretaker, a provider, a working professional, and everything to everyone, her life begins to spiral out of control. For every piece she picks up three more fall from her grasp, and we watch as Linda becomes more and more exasperated and lonely just trying to make it through each day. “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” also stars Conan O’Brien, A$AP Rocky, Danielle Macdonald, Ivy Wolk, Daniel Zolghadri, and a hilarious cameo from Christian Slater. Linda’s ever spiraling life is treated with the perfect balance of unsettling immersion and genuine care, never sacrificing intensity when injecting moments of much needed humor and emotional recovery.
There’s some spectacular choices that Bronstein makes to elevate “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You,” mostly its exquisite and pulse pounding sound design and stunning editing that helps jolt its manic camerawork with unrelenting electricity. Perhaps the most controversial but smart choice is to never show the daughter’s face. We only ever hear her voice, that whiny, needy child shouting and demands that loom over Byrne like an inescapable ghost. I’ve never seen anything like it, particularly from something like this. It’s a bold choice that services the overwhelming nature of the film allows it to set itself apart from many of its contemporaries. Bronstein has the resounding veteran savoy that helps power this bold filmmaking announcement, but it’s Byrne that takes it all to the next level.
We talk a lot about commitment from performers in cinema, and very few define such praise as Byrne here. Easily a career best in a long line of solid performances, Byrne is simply magnificent. So much of the film rests on her shoulders, even the cinematography resting closely on her face through much of the film’s runtime. Nothing in this emotional pressure cooker works without Byrne giving her whole self over to the role. She’s brilliant, giving herself wholly to the swarming chaos circling her like sharks with blood in the water. She embraces every strength and fault and embodies the voice of women and mothers everywhere, many of whom rarely see themselves laid bare with such vulnerability and honesty. “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is a film about women by women, something I will always champion because we just don’t get it enough and certainly don’t get it like this, so brazen and bare and unrestricted.
Byrne has truly never been better and it will be a crime if she is not on the Best Actress nominee list come Oscar season. It may be too intense and too bold for some, and many may not want to sit through a two hour panic attack, but in a just world “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” would also land on the Best Director, Best Screenplay and Best editing categories as well. Yes, it is THAT good, a film that only gets better with reflection and rumination. I don’t know that you need to watch it more than once, but if you let it sit with you and fester in your mind it becomes impossible to shake.
I don’t know that i would recommend “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” to everyone; it’s a whole lot of movie and not for the faint of heart in an emotional sense. There are no breaks here, as the film barrels forward with spiraling chaos and uncontrollable life events that slowly but surely chip away at our controlled exterior to show us all we don’t actually know what the hell we’re doing or how to solve the myriad of problems that constantly arise.
This film is powerful stuff, something truly unique and worth your time if you can handle it. Seriously, do some calming exercises and make sure you’re in a good place before you sit down for this one.
Rating: 4 out of 5 Stars
“If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is in select theaters Oct 10th. You can watch the trailer below.
