From a very young age, Tyler, a boy, exhibited some traditionally feminine characteristics. He played “Barbies” with his female cousin and enjoyed wearing her clothes. His feminine behavior continued throughout his childhood—no interest in “boy” toys or sports, avoidance of playing with other boys, clearly effeminate physical gestures, and a distaste for typical masculine clothing style. As he grew into his teenage years, family members assumed he was gay in the narrow sense of the word and that he would ultimately seek out other gay guys for relationships.
That didn’t happen. Then they all began to wonder if he was transgender. As a young man, he began wearing makeup, styling his long hair, relishing his femininity, and choosing at least unisex clothing with colors indicative of femininity. Ultimately, his parents approached him about any desire to transition to the opposite gender and join the LGBTQ community of trans women. His answer was a resounding no. He wanted to keep his male gender identity.
Tyler’s experience aligns with the concept of what is a femboy—a male who embraces femininity in appearance, fashion, and behavior without identifying as female or transgender.
Enter the Femboy
Tyler is one of a growing number of young men whose gender identity is male but whose gender expression is conventionally feminine. Typically, femboys are young cisgender white males whose gender expression is traditionally feminine. They may also be trans females who have not undergone any transition activity.
The femboy aesthetic should not be confused with those effeminate gay men who want to play a submissive role in a gay relationship. The femboy aesthetic is that of a cisgender male who wants to access and display his femininity, not his typical male gender presentation.
Unpacking The Details of What is a Femboy
It’s important to understand that being a femboy is not correlated to a gender role or sexual orientation. While straight femboys make up the majority of the femboy community, there are others in it as well.
The term femboy (or femboi within the LGBTQ+ community) is a slang term that originated in the 1990s on the Internet, especially TikTok. And again, it refers to a young male who embraces his feminine side and expresses it via appearance, dress, and feminine behaviour. Some of these boys do identify as non-binary, but most maintain their male gender identity and present in a feminine manner by personal choice.
- Femboys are wearing clothing that is decidedly feminine – pleated skirts, thigh high socks, crop tops, dresses without the thigh highs, and such
- Femboys are choosing a hair style that is typical of women – usually long, flowing hair, often bleached blonds or in pastel colors
- Femboys choose a variety of makeup styles, from subdued lipstick shades to more flamboyant makeup styling, depending upon personal choices and the environment in which they will be. Heavy makeup is generally not chosen for a work environment, for example.
- Femboys select a clothing style that reflects feminine colors that women might choose – pastels
- Femboys may be of most any sexual orientation – asexual, bisexual, aromantic, straight, gay – their sexuality may be anywhere on the spectrum.
- The femboy aesthetic usually includes skirts and dresses, as well as accessories that are youthful, characteristic of girls rather than women.
- Femboys can be seen as the complete opposite of men who exhibit toxic masculinity. While they identify as male, femboy masculinity is two-pronged. A femboy chooses to embrace his femininity as dominant.
It’s obvious that the femboy persona defies rigid social norms that are fully binary, both in manner and in dress. A boy must have a fully masculine aesthetic and a girl a feminine one. Such rigid definitions of gender roles are now being questioned, explored, and defied. And for femboys, this is empowering. While they face misunderstanding and even discrimination, social media and online forums do provide a supportive environment for their femininity and self-expression. Indeed, gender fluidity has become far more a phenomenon of the 21st century and those who are assigned male at birth have many more options.
Femboy Communities
The word femboys first emerged in the 90s, on the Internet, primarily social media platforms. Once that happened, Femboy communities began to be launched. The first community of femboys appears to have begun on 4chan, an imageboard that includes conversation threads. It was here that femboys, around 2018, were able to post images of themselves, with an option to identify themselves or not. It became a discussion forum, largely in the LGBT category.
Moving forward, the femboys community came to be popular on social media platforms like Reddit and TikTok. Reddit, in fact, hosts two femboy communities, one of non-sexual content, and one of obvious sexual content. f/femnineboys began in 2012 and, as of last summer, had 264,000 members. Also on Reddit is a pornographic site, r/FemBoys, for those who might identify with that activity. Yes, enjoying pornography crosses over any form of sexual orientation.
TikTok has probably come to be the safest and most popular social media platform for the femboy person. Here, femboys find viral trends and plenty of camaraderie via such hashtags as “#Femboy Friday” and humorous memes like “#Femboy Hooters” – funny because femboys tend to be particularly happy with their flat chests.
The Curious Case of Myanmar
And here’s an interesting tidbit of crazy info: Myanmar, a country in Western SE Asia, is probably not on many people’s radar. It has a long and sturdy history of anti-LGBTQ laws and policies and has done little to combat the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the northern part of the country. All homosexual activity is against the law; the transgender population is especially targeted by police. Anyone engaging in non-hetero activity can actually face up to 20 years in prison. Lots of LGBTQ groups actually live in exile while they work to change the current situation.
Certainly, this country is not a welcoming one for femboys. And in 2021, a military coup ended even the small amount of social progress that had been made by the LGBTQ population. And here’s where it gets interesting.
During a widespread protest against the military junta, guess who showed up, complete with their female fashion? Yep – femboys. And they were joined in that effeminate fashion by non-femboy allies. The goal was to form solidarity and gain worldwide exposure to the oppression the entire community faces. Words in their chants included, “Make love, not war,” borrowed from the anti-war protests in the US during the Vietnam War of the 60s.
A Pride Flag? They’re Talking About It
While femboys do not all see themselves as members of the LGBTQ+ community, many do. And for those, it seems they might want a pride flag. While it has not taken any official form, there is a proposed flag:
This “unofficial” but proposed flag has seven horizontal stripes – pink, light pink, light blue and white stripes. They represent the diversity found within the femboy community, the femboy feminine aesthetic, behavior, non-binary identities, and also masculinity. We’ll see if this femboy flag shows up at future Pride events and festivals.
How the Femboy Community is Currently Received
The term femboy is relatively new, so it is tough to see how this culture is currently embraced. But 21st century culture as a whole is far more accepting of many diverse identities, sexualities, and their expressions. And femboy culture is definitely diverse for sure. From cis through trans women, it encompasses the variety and fluidity that we are coming to embrace in this rapidly evolving society of ours. Femboy culture pushes the boundaries, that’s for sure. But so what? Boundaries need to be pushed, and gender expression is one of those boundaries.
So, Just What is a Femboy and What is His Future?
Femboys are young, whether they are cis, gay, trans women, or anything in between. They celebrate their diversity and their right to express their femininity juxtaposed with their masculine side. He’s the “new kid on the block” right now, but he will age as we all do.
Will the femboy population become effeminate men? Yes, and there will be younger ones to take their place. The femboy is here to stay. And perhaps we’ll have femmen to keep the culture rolling along.
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