The final battle is about to begin. The alien robots have gathers to face their greatest threat. Well, greatest threat again since this is the 7th time we’ve used that exact log line for the hyperbolic rock em sock em robot fights. The bad guys are about to win, and suddenly, [redacted] enters the fray and the crowd erupts into raucous applause and cheers. And [redacted] happens and the crowd erupts again, and one last time for good measure when [redacted]. Remember this atmosphere, because we’re gonna come back to it at the end of this.
The third act of “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” is a near shot for shot remake of “Avengers: Endgame,” serving as yet another “final” entry that can’t seem to make battles exciting without stealing the blueprint of the cultural pinnacle of them. And as hard as my critical eyes wanted to role, I couldn’t help but get swept up in the excitement. “Rise of the Beasts” isn’t quite the revival or even a necessary entry into the “Transformers” franchise, and even with a shorter run time it starts to feel its length. But despite being a large serving of empty calories, it manages to be just entertaining and funny enough to be worth the ride.
Directed by Steven Caple Jr. (“Creed II“) and 6 writers (yes, you read that right) contributing to the screenplay lead by Joby Harold (“Army of the Dead“) who gets the sole Story By credit, “Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” is the 7th entry into the franchise, though it serves as a direct sequel to “Bumblebee” and a prequel to 2007 “Transformers.” You could probably guess the plot just by virtue of seeing any of the other entries (with “Bumblebee” being the only real exception in just about every category) and be 90% of correct. Big bad planet eating robot needs a magical doohickey to open portals to more worlds, the Maximals (animal like robots) take it to earth and close the portal behind them leaving them stranded for thousands of years. Autobots got stuck here too, human entry point characters awaken the magic stickamagoo, evil robots want it and then it’s a race around the world save it from ANOTHER space laser portal buried under ruins.
Seriously, I don’t know why in the world you need 6 writers for a screenplay that is a literal copy and paste from every other entry prior, minus the Bayisms of overt racism, stereotypes, and laminated statutory rape loopholes. “Rise of the Beasts” is smart to ditch these things, and while it still tries to add way too many elements into its barebones story, it is on the shorter side of runtimes at 127 minutes. We came here to watch robots punch each other into oblivion and see them transform. Nothing else outside of this matters, and “Rise of the Beasts” doesn’t quite have the necessary charm in its human leads of Anthony Ramos and Dominque Fishback to be all that interesting when we aren’t solely focused on the Autobots. That’s not a knock on their performances per se. They’re doing their best with what they’re given, which isn’t much and as often happens with these things become the least interesting part of everything they’re in. But it struggles to make them central to the plot and making them characters worth investing in, and they feel forced instead of organic companions.
I like Ramos and Fishback as performers a lot, but I could not have cared less about them or what happens to them here. Luckily, the Autobots and Maximals shine bright with distinct and likable personalities, some familiar and some brand new. The voice cast packs quite a bit of gravitas for an overstuffed robot team up movie, and it feels like a waste to have someone like Oscar winner Michelle Yeoh as Airazor constantly recite ridiculous exposition every time she speaks, or Coleman Domingo as Unicron, the planet eating big bad who could’ve been voiced by anyone with the slightest depth to their voice. Or perhaps the most egregious waste, Peter Dinklage as Scourge, the main henchmen sent to retrieve the thingamajig for Unicron. There is nothing i that would indicate any of these powerhouse performers are behind the CGI robots, so other than paychecks I’m not entirely sure why they opted to gather such massive talent for them. And frankly, the film doesn’t deserve them.
I can’t even believe I’m gonna say this, but the savior of “Rise of the Beasts” is Pete Davidson as Mirage. I am not nor have I ever been a Davidson fan, but he is an absolute scene stealer here, injecting the entire film with the heart and humor no one else seems to be able to drum up quite as well. It’s not for a lack of trying, but “Rise of the Beasts” often feels stakeless and boring. Davidson is beacon of entertainment, and when the film puts him at its center it elevates everyone else around him. I can’t believe he is this infectious in a good way, but he seems to be the only new addition that tapped into the wavelength of what “Beasts” should be. I’d credit him with about 90% of the laughter and roughly 95% of the jokes that land, and as much as the film tries to blend the heart and humor, it’s all Davidson that manages to do both. I can’t decide if I should dock this down a point for forcing me to write an entire complimentary paragraph about Pete Fucking Davidson or if I should give credit where credit is do and boost it up a bit.
Look, “Rise of the Beasts” isn’t good, and feels both its runtime and formula for its entirety. Sure, the yellow hues and moist humans and bottom of the barrel humor are all gone and the CGI looks pretty sharp most of the time. But its objectively hollow and mindless even when the shiny toy advertisements go “boom! Smash!” to dazzling displays of action. But here’s the thing I can’t escape: the thrill of the crowd in the final act made it clear that even though nothing matters. The film, for all its faults is a genuine crowdpleaser, and when it get cooking in the ways people who just to be entertained by the smash, smash, bang bang, they are rewarded with thrills and chills that excite through cheers and claps. Even if they’ve seen it all before and much, much better, “Rise of the Beasts” still manages to be sometimes fun as all hell, and those high point moments help the average movie goer forget all about how many times they checked their watch prior.
This isn’t quite as refreshing as “Bumblebee,” but also not as insulting as “The Last Knight” and falls almost precisely in the middle of the two films where it canonically takes place.
Critically, I can’t say this is a good movie. But as simple movie goer, I had a pretty damn good time. This is a rare film where I don’t know that I would recommend to see it, but if you’re going to see it, be sure to see it in a theater with a large crowd, because the final act and ending teaser is enough to make it feel like an Avengers level threat.
Rating: 3 out of 5 Stars
“Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” is now playing in theaters. You can watch the trailer below.
