When the world hands you lemons, make lemonade. When the world hands you Velveeta cheese product, vodka, olives, and vermouth, you make a martini. Or in this case- you make a Veltini. Yeah, we’re not joking, and considering all the other weird food concoctions that have been thrust into the world, there’s a part of you that probably isn’t even surprised by this. So here it is, the Veltini in all of it’s …not sure if glory is the right word, but let’s just go with it anyway.
The Veltini is what you would get if David Cronenberg did food and beverage horror. Brace yourself as we describe the ingredients in this thing. It contains Velveeta-infused vodka, olive brine and vermouth, and a cheese drip garnish. As for the garnish, there are indeed olives, but they’re stuffed with Velveeta and accompanied on a pick with jumbo shells & cheese. So in case you didn’t want to just have a martini alongside your shells and cheese, now you can have it all at once and question your life choices.
There were two ways to get your lips and taste buds arounds this cheesy concoction. One of them is through a kit that you could order through Gold Belly (but is currently sold out). The other is to have it made for you at participating BLT Steak restaurants. It is noted that at the very least, there are some steps taken at the bar to make this drink have the correct flavor and punch. The vodka and Velveeta mixture is mixed while warm and then frozen to really let the vodka sink into the Velveeta. You know, just like Dionysus intended.
Are you required to follow these steps with the home kit? Not sure, but if you’re already at the stage of your life where you’re drinking a Veltini, what regard for rules and structure do you still have left? But hey, who knows, maybe the sarcasm is completely unwarranted and the drink tastes absolutely amazing. Maybe this is what James Bond was missing out on the entire time. He should’ve asked for a Veltini, stirred, not shaken. Shaking a Veltini, that’s just absurd! You can’t shake a Veltini! What kind of household did you grow up in, you heathen!?
As mentioned previously, we’ve talked about our fair share of weird foodstuffs here at Nerdbot. We even put our reporting where our mouths are and ate one of the products. Pizza flavored ice-cream? That’s right, we tried it. Surprisingly it wasn’t actually bad, it just didn’t really taste like pizza that much. So maybe the Veltini has a shot at tasting alright? Something tells us, probably not, but you can’t blame a cheese company for trying, can you?
The Veltini is available at various BLT Steak locations across the country starting today, during “golden hour” from 5 to 8pm local time. You can also order the kit from Gold Belly here.
