I’m all down for mindless action flicks so long as the film itself embraces its own absurd premise and allows me to turn off and go along for the ride. You have to give me a reason to suspend disbelief, be it a compelling character, tongue in cheek self awareness or high speed pacing that doesn’t give me time to ponder the logistics of things.
Unfortunately, “Novocaine” never fully relishes in its own ridiculousness, forcing audiences to drift off and begin picking it apart instead of joining in on the fun. And sadly there’s little fun to be had because “Novocaine” can’t even be bothered to explain its own world. It establishes no rules for this weird version of San Diego, its characters, even the rare disability at the center of its story and seems incapable of making its hero’s journey interesting enough to be enjoyed.
Directed by Dan Berk and Robert Olsen (“Significant Other,” “Villains” which I adore and you should watch it) from a script by Lars Jacobson, “Novocaine” follows Nathan Caine (Jack Quaid) an awkward but kind hearted assistant manager at a credit union. He suffers from a very rare condition that causes him to not feel pain, a disability that causes him to have to put tennis balls on every sharp corner, puree all of his food so as not to bite off his own tongue while chewing, and set an alarm for every 3 hours for pee breaks he can’t feel. He meets new hire Sherry (Amber Midthunder) who takes a liking to him and they share a night together. On cloud nine because he’s just met the love of his life, his romance is cut short when 3 bank robbers violently rob his bank and take Sherry hostage. Not wanting to lose the best thing that has ever happened to him, he sets out to pursue the kidnappers and uses his disability as a superpower to take down the bad guys and save his love. The film also stars Ray Nicholson, Jacob Batalon, Betty Gabriel and Matt Walsh (the comedic actor, not the right wing nutjob podcaster).
“Novocaine” works best when it’s beating up Jack Quaid (“The Boys“), who’s affable everyman charm makes him easy to get behind even when the material seems to be actively working to keep him at arms length. But it doesn’t do it often enough, nor does it do it with any kind of conviction or inventiveness. All of the gory, hyper violent moments are surrounded by a half baked, meandering plot that drags and drags until we get to the next “how do we hurt Quaid this time?” sequence. I’ll never complain about a Midthunder (“Prey“) appearance, and while she’s trying her best here, she is not used to the best of her abilities. Ray Nicholson as the main villain is making some choices that feel so far out of left field he might as well be in a different film. And again, that’s not his fault as much as it’s the film itself unable to give anyone anything meaningful to do most of the time.
“Novacaine” takes entirely too long to get going, spending the first 40 minutes setting up the meet cute and date night. Which would be fine if the aftermath was more thrilling and relentless in its pacing, but Berk and Olsen can’t stop pumping the breaks when they should be stepping on the gas. This causes most of the comedy and action to be woefully unfunny and unfun, the action staged well but without anything behind to care. This should be like a pain free “Crank” with a similar insane premise to fuel a sense of urgency and fear for our hero that he might not make it through to the next fight. But because Berk and Olsen drive this about 20 miles under the speed limit, all the thrills are sucked out of each escalating action sequence and leaves you checking your watch instead of wincing at each bone break and punch.
This should be big, dumb, and loud fun at the at theaters, the kind of popcorn flick we love on a Friday night. Instead, it never goes far enough to be big or dumb or loud, it’s just only kind of dumb and sometimes violent. It is incredibly long for a premise so simple, and most certainly doesn’t earn its two hour runtime. For a film about not being able to feel pain, “Novocaine” is sadly painful to watch for all of the wrong reasons. More like NovaCANT, amiright?
Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars
“Novacaine” is now playing in theaters. You can watch the trailer below.
