I’ll be the first to admit that I am not who “Five Nights At Freddy’s” is made for. I have never played the game, and only know if its gaming existence peripherally. Having a target audience doesn’t necessarily mean that a film becomes inaccessible to those unfamiliar with its source. Hell, “Dungeons &Dragons” is a prime example of a film made by fans for fans that manages to be embraced by and entertaining for broader audiences completely unfamiliar with its table top origins. Sadly, “Freddy’s” doesn’t have anything for anyone outside of a very specific group of people, and even then I feel confident in saying it probably doesn’t work well for them either.
From its exhausting exposition and confounding lore, primary focus on uninteresting human characters, and very little time spent with the actual animatronics, this is a major misfire across the board. It delivers almost no thrills or chills, and actually made me want to revisit my harsh words for its now better iteration “Willy’s Wonderland,” a film I maligned at the time but now after seeing “Five Nights at Freddy’s” look back on it like Thanos, “perhaps I treated you too harshly.”
Directed by Emma Tammi from a screenplay by Tammi, Seth Cuddeback and Scott Cawthon (the original creator of the popular game franchise of the same name), “Five Nights at Freddy’s” follows Mike Schmidt (Josh Hutcherson), a down on his luck mall cop who has just been fired from his seemingly last opportunity for work due to his propencity for violence stemming from a past trauma. Desperate to provide for his younger sister Abby (Piper Rubio), he takes one last job as a nighttime security guard at a defunct pizzeria called Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza. His only job is to keep people out, and he soon discovers that there is a much more sinister part of the job inside the building. With his trauma and nightmares increasing, Schmidt soon discovers that the animatronics are alive, and while they are friendly at first (particularly to Abby) the more nights he spends there, the darker the intentions get. The film also stars Matthew Llilard and Elizabeth Lail.
Video game adaptions are largely more miss than hit, often unable to translate the strengths of their foundational medium onto the silver screen. I have to assume that this is the case here, as any allure of the game franchise is wholly missing from the “Five Nights at Freddy’s” film adaption. Billed as a mystery thriller, this has neither. It unfolds like a bland melodrama, more about the strained familial relationship between Mike and Abby and the trauma that binds them than anything to do with Freddy’s or the “horrors” that haunt the pizzeria. This not only makes the narrative feel stretched far beyond its source material, but makes the entirety of the film a slog to get through with large swaths of nothing happening for extended periods of time. I’m sure people more familiar with the game can spot the easter eggs, but predicating the entire film on clever nods alone isn’t enough to deliver a compelling feature film. This film thinks way too little of its audience, and trying over explain everything and nothing simultaneously, packing the film with lazily connected subplots that feel irrelevant but are shoehorned in as integral.
For a film that went out of its way to create stunning animatronics (The Jim Henson Creature Shop) that move and sport some brilliant recreated designs, “Freddy’s” seems completely unconcerned with showcasing anything they can actually do. They are seen so rarely and take such a huge back seat to the lackluster human story they end up not mattering at all. This film seems hindered by its need to contextualize a straight forward horror game premise with an overemphasis on insignificant characters and plot points, and it’s PG-13 rating. Look, I can’t say I know who this game is even for, and maybe it is a younger generation thing so you’re tailoring your rating to the audience. Which would make sense, and maybe I’m supposed to be “old man yells at cloud” here.
But if that’s what you were going for, then why the hell is “Five Nights at Freddy’s” over 2 hours long? If this truly is a film based on a game for a TikTok generation, then trying to make “Killers of the Flower Moon” length horror for teens seems ill advised and completely off base.
And that’s really the struggle for this film. It is incredibly long with very little happening, and in its desperate attempt to try and appeal to a younger audience that will get it, the film in turns becomes a wholly forgettable and bland straight to streaming affair. Hutcherson looks like as bored as his sleepy character, forced to meander through a poorly written and underdeveloped protagonist while trying to carry whatever plot exists. Lillard is completely wasted, used for all of 5 minutes total and while he most certainly feels like the only person who understood the assignment, never gets a true chance to showcase his talents. The whole cast performs as if they’re all in a different film, ranging from melodrama to drama to humor to I guess, thriller? With the big mistake of never committing to any one theme or genre, and what unfolds is a hodgepodge of undercooked ideas left to sit on low heat that never actually come to boil. “Five Nights at Freddy’s” is an elevator pitch that is working out its bad ideas in real time, unconcerned with making a coherent and engaging film and instead trying to litter the whole film with frames from its source material in hopes that people will enjoy it.
I can’t even believe I’m gonna say this, but “Five Nights at Freddy’s” is sorely missing Nicolas Cage ala “Willy’s Wonderland.” That’s right. The same film a few years ago that wasted Cage as a mute security guard fighting off killer animatronics is an infinitely more entertaining version of this story. “Freddy’s” could’ve benefited greatly from just throwing Cage in here and letting him go Cage-shit. Also, that film is a taut 90 minutes that never overstays its welcome even if commits some of the same mistakes.
“Five Nights at Freddy’s” is a huge misfire, one that left me scratching my head asking what the hell is this even supposed to be? Maybe that’s the old guy generation in me, just not understanding what these young kids are into these days. Or maybe this is just a bad movie no matter what generation it’s for. I guess you’d have to watch it to answer that question for yourself, but frankly I wouldn’t recommend it. Chock this one up as an L for Blumhouse and watch “Willy’s Wonderland” instead.
At least there you get to watch Cage kill a giant animatronic ostrich with a broken mop handle. Hell, at least there you get to watch SOMETHING happen.
Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars
“Five Nights at Freddy’s” is now playing in theaters and streaming on Peacock. You can watch the trailer below.
