Do you have a secret sexual fantasy that you thought about exploring? Sexual kinks and fetishes are so common, you’d be surprised at how many others share the same fantasies, but people usually don’t talk about them, so most never know that others are just as aroused by something unusual as they are.
Exploring kinks just happens to be the one of most popular avenues to do so. After all, novelty is exciting and change increase sexual desire.
We’ll take a deep dive into the most common kinks and fetishes, as well as their psychological meaning and a few tips to get you started exploring some of the more common fetishes seen in American culture today in your quest to spice up the sex life in a spicy, naughty way.
What are Sexual Kinks?
Sexual kinks are an activity or behavior in which someone experiences sexual gratification that is outside of the “norm”. It is also known as deviant behavior and there is a definite psychological appeal to sexual kinks because it’s a form of rebellion from authority or society. “Being bad feels good”, so they say.
Although kinks can be any of number of things ranging from clowns to group sex, it is most commonly associated with BDSM and bondage play. With that being said, we must now ask: If bondage is becoming more normalized and common among the US population, is it still considered a kink? It might not be anymore!
What are Sexual Fetishes?
A fetish is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.” So essentially, a fetish is a targeted obsession.
If a particular thing turn you on more than anything else, technically, it’s is considered a fetish. One of the most popular is the foot fetish, if being so enamored by this body part creates sexual arousal, then you have a foot fetish. Simple as that!
What is the Difference Between a Kink and Fetish?
So kinks & fetishes might seem synonymous, but by definition, they are slightly different: Kinks are arousing behaviors and fetishes are sexual attractants.
Kinks do not always necessarily have a sexual connotation. For example, bondage play does not have to end in sexual intercourse, some couples engage in rope play for the sensual component whereas fetishes are about sex, and sexual gratification is the end goal.
Safe Exploration of Kinks and Fetishes:
Couples often want to try exploring kinks & fetishes to spice up the sex life. Partners in any long-term relationship will eventually have the desire to “spice up the sex life” and try something new and exciting, hence the popularity of sex toy stores with hundreds of dildos for sale (like TheAdultToyShop) have peckers of all shapes & sizes to appeal to all kinky desires.
Humans are creatures of habit and we easily fall into a routine which eventually becomes repetitive and essentially, boring and predictable. Trying out a new kink is a fun way to explore different realms of sexuality and share a unique bond of intimacy.
Here are a few things to keep in mind before trying it out:
Consent
It is essential that both partners consent to the activity. In order for it to be enjoyed by both and to be fair, each partner needs to be willing to try it out, and also agree to the role and general layout of what will happen.
Safe Words
When it comes to BDSM play, it’s easy to get out of hand, but of course personifying the role of submissive is part of the interactive fun. It’s important to establish a safe word that each partner understands. This indicates that one partner feels uncomfortable and play should immediately cease.
Be Mindful of Others
It’s never okay to explore kinks if there will be harm to the safety of others. This is especially true with voyeurism and exhibitionism – you could get into some serious legal troubles if you’re doing these without the consent of others. Always keep your activities between you and your lover and be mindful of others.
Be Playful
The desire for everyday couples to explore fetishes experienced a big boost after the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, but the problem with that series is that they are way too serious. The reality is that here WILL be awkward moments and funny things that will happen as you explore something entirely foreign to you. It’s important to approach this with a playful and fun attitude. Don’t be so serious and you’ll find it a lot more enjoyable and fun.
Why do People have Kinks?
There is a certainly a psychological explanation to kinks & fetishes, and theories suggest it originates from either mapping in the brain or early childhood mapping when childhood experiences and/or traumas are reflected in the fetishes in adulthood.
Since everyone’s brains and personal experiences are unique, this explains why people will have different fetishes. Since some experiences are typical and brain signaling can overlap in certain places, this brings rise to some of the more common fetishes, such as bondage play and foot fetishes.
Another reason that kinks are so popular is for some it instills a sense of community. As this research paper suggests, kink also can denote identities and communities that focus on such pleasurable interests and practices.
People desire sense of belonging to a group, and a kink community can be seen as a “group of societal outcasts” that have found common ground. Really, it’s not much different than the punk or goth scene.
How to Get Started
Now that you know how many people fantasize about trying something new, have a chat with your partner about some of the more popular kinks that appeal to you. Chances are your partner will have some overlapping ideas making it easy for you to proceed and try one out.
If you’re looking to spice up the sex life, trying out a kink and going against societal norms is definitely exciting. It doesn’t have to be taboo or hardcore, even light sensory play like a blindfold and a feather tickler is a good way to try something new with different sensations compared to what you’re used to. Try it out and have some fun!
