I’m not sure who did it but someone called 911 when they ran out of toilet paper. It’s become a nightmare call as police who I’m sure are saying in the nicest way possible that they don’t have any have to deal with people calling in. Oregon police actually had to issue a notice on their Facebook page which you can read below.

It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.

In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue.

Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used.

Mayans used corn cobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corn cobs, but used pages from the Farmers Almanac. Many Americans took advantage of the numerous pages torn from free catalogs such as Sears and Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalog, four times thicker than the normal catalog, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day; or Saint Patrick’s Day if they were frugal.

Then, of course, there are always alternatives to toilet paper. Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls, and that empty toilet paper roll sitting on the holder right now. Plus, there are a variety of leaves you can safely use. Mother Earth News magazine will even tell you how to make your own wipes using fifteen different leaves. When all else fails, you have magazine pages. Start saving those catalogs you get in the mail that you usually toss into the recycle bin. Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.

It’s funny but it’s also not funny at the same time. With all the panic buying of toilet paper many people are left in the dust such as the elderly who can’t find it so easily. Many stores have administered a shopping hour dedicated for seniors so that they can get what they need before the crowds get there. But if you run out of paper it’s probably best not to call your local police, but maybe text your neighbor. If all else fails a warm wet cloth with soap should do the trick. Or just take a shower?

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